


Someday You'll Know

by Faithangel_3



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 04:23:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3714898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faithangel_3/pseuds/Faithangel_3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa needs help from Abby but that also means she will inevitably run into Clarke. Follows the events of 2x15.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted this on ff.net but figured I'd post it here aswell.

#  Someday You’ll Know  

#   

 

“Commander!”

 

Lexa nodded her head slightly as the door opened. “Sergeant Miller.”

 

“What brings you here?” He remained still in front of the door.

 

“I am in need of a favour from Abby. I was hoping to speak with her.”

 

Miller nodded and motioned for the other guards to open the door. “May I ask why you didn’t send a messenger?”

 

“It’s a personal matter, one that I only feel comfortable attending too.” Once again Miller nodded as they started to walk down one of the corridors of the newly renovated Mount Weather. “Should I be worried Sergeant?”

 

He shook his head no. “No, Commander, I understand you did what you had to.”

 

“It was at the expense of your son's life.”

 

“If he hadn’t survived I may feel differently, but he did so that’s not something we have to worry about.” Lexa nodded as they rounded a corner. “If they had offered me my son in exchange for leaving, I would have left faster than the Ark plummeted to the ground.” He gave her a soft smile as he opened a door for.

 

Lexa looked around at the medical lab and was somewhat in awe. Never had she seen so much advanced equipment in one place let alone one room. “Abby?” The woman turned around, she looked different since the last time Lexa had seen her. Her skin looked younger, like she had managed to turn back the hands of time.

 

“Commander.” Her gaze was questioning as Lexa moved close enough to shake her hand.

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt your work.”

 

“It’s fine.” Abby smiled at Miller with a nod causing the man to leave. Once Miller left Abby turned back towards Lexa. “What brings you here? I’m sure it’s important.” Her tone wasn’t mad but it was reserved.

 

Lexa nodded her head. “I am in need of your help. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

 

“I’m not sure how I can help you but I told you I owed you a favour.”

 

“There is someone in need of medical attention that my healers can not seem to help.”

 

“Is this person here?”

 

Lexa nodded, her expression as stoic as ever. “She is waiting outside with my guards.”

 

“I have some time if you’d like to bring her in, I’ll examine her and see if I can figure out what’s wrong. We can talk more about it then.”

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Fifteen minutes later Lexa walked back into the room, this time with an elderly woman by her side. She helped the woman to sit down as Abby turned her attention towards them. Stunned by how gentle and soft Lexa was being with her. She was so used to seeing her be stoic and emotionless. It was clear that whomever this woman was to her, she meant a lot. Enough for Lexa to risk her life by walking into a place where half its inhabitants hated her.

 

“This is Alexandria, she is the one in need of help. I have seen what is ailing her before but our people have never really been able to cure it.”

 

Abby nodded and moved forward. “Hi I’m Abby.”

 

The elderly woman smiled warmly despite how ill she looked. “You’ll have to excuse my granddaughter, she can be too hard at times. Thank you for seeing me, especially under the circumstances.”

 

“Granddaughter?”

 

“Yes, Alexandria is my mothers mother.”

 

Abby couldn’t help the shocked expression that took over her face. “It’s not a problem but let’s see what we can do for you.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

An hour later Abby emerged from the lab to find Lexa sitting perfectly still in a chair just outside the doors. She stood up once she saw Abby walk towards her.

 

“She has what we call pneumonia. It’s a bad case, you’re lucky you got her here when you did. She’s severely dehydrated and she’ll need to stay here for a while. I have her set up with an IV drip to replenish her fluids, we’ll take it from there.” Lexa was thankful that Abby knew her demeanor and that she just gave her the information she wanted without being polite about it. “You’re welcome to stay here, I’m sure we can come up with a room for you.”

 

Lexa shook her head. “I better not, we both know how quickly information gets around. If anyone recognizes me it will get back to Clarke.”

 

“It wouldn’t be a bad thing for her to see you, I’m sure you both have a lot to talk about.”

 

“There is nothing for us to talk about. I made my choice and I stand by it. She doesn’t understand, at least not the way I do, if she had been in my place it would have been different.”

 

Abby’s look turned more stern. “That’s not what I’m referring too but I understand you have more important things on your mind. You can go in and see her now. If you need anything at anytime we’re apartment 303. I will keep your presence here quiet, but I won’t lie to my daughter if she asks me outright.”

 

“Thank you, Abby. You still did not have to do this.”

 

“You saved my daughter from this mountain, this is the least I can do.”

 

## TBC

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Have you been here all night mom? I didn’t hear you come home.”

 

Abby looked up from her paperwork to see blonde hair and blue eyes moving towards her. “I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. We had a patient come in last night and I was doing her work up, I didn’t want to miss anything.” Abby looked down at her watch and frowned. “It’s early why are you up?”

 

“Couldn’t sleep. So I figured I might as well be productive. Anything I can do to help?”

 

Shaking her head, the older woman handed over the file. “You can check her iv bag if you want, nothing to serious.”

 

“She’s a grounder?” Clarke looked up to see her mother nod. They had agreed to treat grounders as a sign of good faith when their own methods failed them. It wasn’t as though they owed them anything after what Lexa had done but everyone seemed to be in consensus that helping was a peace offering. They, had after all, imposed themselves on grounder land. “We haven’t had too many lately, hopefully this is a sign that more will come, it’s good for them to come.” It was clear to everyone that Clarke was having trouble adjusting to the fact that there was no longer any immediate threats. Her mind constantly raced on how to fix things or maintain things in order to live in continued peace.

 

“It will, it was a great idea Clarke, but remember they have their own way of handling sickness and while we may see our way as being superior, the grounders are set in their ways, same us.” It was Clarke’s turn to nod. She knew her mother was right but she really hadn’t seen peace since the first moment her foot touched soil on the ground.

 

“I’m going to go check on,” Clarke flipped through the file in her hand, “Alexandria. If you need anything you know where to find me.”

 

_XOXO_

 

“Hi, I’m Clarke, Abby’s daughter, I’m going to be helping her out if that’s okay with you.” The older woman gave a slight nod from where she was lying in her bed.

 

“Hello Clarke of the sky people.” Clarke looked over at the woman from where she had been fixing the IV bag. She hadn’t heard those words in so long. She tried to erase the last time she had heard someone call her that in that way. The thought of Lexa was still etched in her mind but it was always followed by the other woman turning her back and walking away. “Are you okay?” The woman asked causing Clarke to come back to reality.

 

“Sorry I’m fine, I just haven’t been called that in what seems like forever.” Clarke started to examine Alexandria’s arm and noticed bruising around the entry point of the IV. “Does this hurt?” She asked, making sure to pay attention to the woman’s facial expression. She had learned that the grounders tried to show no pain even if they were in feeling it.

 

“It is a little uncomfortable.”

 

“I’ll change it for you, you’ll feel a small prick but we’ll put it somewhere that will make it easier for you to move around.” Immediately Clarke moved to the desk that was in the room and grabbed the tools she needed. “Are you trigedakru?”

 

“No, I’m from the capitol, Polis.” The thought made Clarke smile. “You’ve heard of it?”

 

“Someone I used to know told me of it, she said it’s different from the world we see here.”

 

Alexandria smiled. “Yes it is. I haven’t been amongst the trees in many moons.”

 

Clarke stood up and smiled. “All done.”

 

Alexandria looked down at her arm. “I did not feel that.” She smiled and held her hand out for Clarke to take. “You are very talented, your mother should be proud.”

 

“You must be going stir crazy, with no one in here.” Clarke avoided what the woman had said, as much as her and her mother had been getting along, they still weren’t on great terms.

 

“I do not mind the quiet but I wouldn’t mind some company. I’m not sure when my granddaughter will be back.”

 

Clarke sat back down in the chair, still holding on to Alexandria’s hand. “Is she who brought you here?”

 

“She did. She had hoped the sky people could help me and thus far I believe they have.”

 

“Smart girl.” Clarke couldn’t help but notice a glimmer in Alexandria’s eyes that seemed so familiar. There was a warmth about them that she couldn’t quite place.

 

“She is wise far beyond her years. Though I wish sometimes that wasn’t so. She also happens to be very stubborn, she doesn’t take no for an answer. She can’t be much older than you actually.”

 

“I hope to meet her when she comes back to visit.”

 

Abby stood against the wall with a small smile on her face. Her daughter never ceased to amaze her. She reminded her so much of her husband, her kindhearted nature and need to protect everyone was a trait she got from him. “How’s everything going in here?” She finally asked, moving away from the wall and towards her daughter.

 

“Good, I changed her line because of the bruising to her arm. Things seem to be good though.”

 

“Your daughter is very skilled, I didn’t feel anything at all.”

 

Abby looked over at Clarke with a proud look on her face. “Your vitals are good but I’m going to keep pushing liquid and antibiotics, I want to make sure that you rest. If there’s anything we can do please just ask. I’ll have some breakfast brought in for you.” The doctor looked to her daughter, expecting her to get up and accompany her to breakfast.

 

“I’m going to stay here and keep our patient company. I know what it’s like to wake up in a white room. Actually, this white room.” Nodding Abby told her that she’d have breakfast sent back for the both of them.

 

 

Two hours later Clarke had finally stood up from where she sat. “I have plans with some friends but I’ll be back later, hopefully your granddaughter will be here and I can meet her.”

 

“Thank you for your company Clarke.” There it was again, the way the woman said her name, it made her freeze in place. She couldn’t figure out what it was about the woman saying her name that made remember someone she was trying so desperately to forget.

 

_XOXO_

 

She was allowed immediate entry into the facility. A guard walked her to the room she needed to get to, it was cordial and polite. Once she stood outside the right room the guard left her alone. Apparently Abby trusted her to not kill anyone or ruin anything. Not that she had any reason to but it was nice to know especially after what had happened between them.

 

“Ah Lexa, there you are.”

 

“I’m sorry for keeping you waiting, I had business to attend to.”

 

Her grandmother smiled in a way that she hadn’t seen in a very long time. “Sit, I have much to tell you.”

 

“Are they treating you well? Your arm is bruised!” Lexa reached out and touched the woman’s army gently.

 

“Hush, I am fine. A very skilled healer noticed the bruise and fixed it.” She held up her other arm.

 

“I told you Abby was good, and what is this?” She asked curiously of the square board with little figurines on it.

 

Alexandria shook her head slowly. “It wasn’t Abby, I believe her name is Clarke, or is it the most beautiful frustrating woman in the world. I can not seem to recall at the moment, I fear the sky people’s drugs have gotten to me.”

 

Lexa’s face froze. She was busted. “Clarke, Clarke was here. You met Clarke?” A slight nod. “Did you tell her who you were?”

 

“If by tell her you mean did I tell her that you are the reason I am here, no. I did tell her my name, actually she already knew it. She is a very intelligent young woman. She sat with me for a couple of hours this morning to keep me company. That is why the board is there, it’s a game they call Chess. I haven’t really figured it out but it took my mind off of everything else.”

 

“You spent your morning with Clarke?”

 

Alexandria rolled her eyes and looked at her granddaughter as if she had had one to many concussions. “I did and we shared breakfast. I can see why you are so infatuated with her. It’s very hard not to be, you shouldn’t madden yourself about it the way you have been for months.”

 

Before Lexa could say anything else on the subject a man she had never met before walked in carrying a stack of papers.

 

“Where is Abby?”

 

The man nodded. “You must be Lexa, Abby told me you’d be stopping by and that if you need anything to ask. I can do it for you but if you’d rather speak with her this is her apartment number. If you’d rather I can have someone go for you but it is entirely up to you.”

 

“I will do it myself, thank you.” She gave a small nod and was thankful that the man realized that it was a sign to leave. She watched him put the note on the table, which she was more than thankful for because she couldn’t remember where Abby had said her apartment was.

“Everything is fine dear but you should speak with Abby because I know you will not take me at my word.”

 

“You’re stubborn, your word means very little when it comes to your health.”

 

“Where do you think you get it from. Now, go on and talk to her, I’m going to take a nap. Clarke’s teaching has worn me out, in a good way.”

 

Lexa stood up and kissed her grandmothers forehead. “I shall return shortly.” As soon as she stood up from the chair she had been sitting in the butterflies in her stomach began to flutter about it. The nervousness she felt only got worse as she made her way to the apartment she was in search of thanks to the map the man had left.

 

Looking down at her paper she swallowed the lump in her throat. She tried to channel the commander side of herself. The side of her that had no emotion, the side that didn’t care about girls and seeing them or what they thought of her. She gave herself the same pep talk four times before she raised her hand to knock softly on the door.

 

Thankfully it was Abby that opened the door. She waved her in momentarily as she held the door open for her. “It’s okay she fell asleep watching a movie.” Abby’s words made her turn her head to where she saw blonde hair. “She hasn’t been sleeping very well, nightmares from the attack and everything else that has happened to her in the past year.” Lexa nodded in understanding and moved her attention back to Abby, knowing that if she didn’t she’d never be able to stop looking at the one person her heart so desperately wanted to see.

 

The soft sound of voices filled the room, drawing her attention back to the blonde lying on the couch. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault, she’s strong, she’ll over come it.”

 

“She is stronger than my greatest warriors but she is not why I came here. Can you give me an update on Alexandria.”

 

Abby frowned as the commander in Lexa came out. “I’ll walk back to the lab with you and fill you in on the way.” Lexa stood perfectly still as Abby grabbed a set of keys off the table and put her shoes on.

 

Before the door was closed completely she managed to sneak one last glance of the sleeping woman. Never had a single human ever made her feel the things she felt. Never had she been so willing to give up on her people so long as it meant that she could have a chance to show Clarke her world. She cursed herself for having such thoughts again, thoughts that were made by her heart and not her head. Her head had to win, especially now when it came to her grandmother but it was so hard when the greatest thing to ever happen to her was lying ten feet away.

 

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

“You’re telling me she has an infection?”

 

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying, we’re working to treat it. I noticed a higher level in her white blood cell count and that’s how I figured it out.”

 

Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You told me you were already giving her medicine for that.”

 

Abby nodded. “I was but not every anti-biotic is good for every infection. You know you can stay here, it would make it easier for you to be close to her.”

 

A short nod. “I am still the commander, just because my grandmother is sick does not mean I do not have duties to uphold.”

 

“At least eat while you are here. We have more than enough.”

 

“You don’t have to be so kind to me.”

 

“I do but I would be regardless, for Clarke.” At the mention of her daughters name she saw the pain and hurt well up in Lexa’s eyes and she knew what her daughter had always been talking about. “I can get you something to eat if you aren’t comfortable walking around on your own.”

 

Lexa shook her head. “I can do it, thank you.”

 

“You can stop thanking me. I told you I owed you a favour. Now go and eat.”

 

XOXO

 

Lexa followed Abby’s instructions to get to the mess hall. She was surprised at how empty the hallways were but she figured most people didn’t hang out near an infirmary. She made her way towards where she had found the Griffin’s apartment. The sign on the wall told her she was getting close but she couldn’t focus with the loud noise coming from further down the hall. The sound of laughter muffled under the noise.

 

Following the noise she passed the sign that read _Mess Hall_. She moved so that she could see what was happening in the room. What she knew to be music was blaring through the speakers. Some kids were dancing, others were sitting around talking and laughing. It took her a couple minutes to spot anyone she recognized. She saw Jasper and Monty dancing and followed their line of sight. Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln were all laughing and she had to admit that she felt slightly jealous of where Lincoln was. It wasn’t that her people didn’t have fun or enjoy themselves but it was different for her. She had never really been able to simply enjoy herself with people who understood her.

 

She arms go across Monty and Jasper’s shoulders and a flash of blonde hair. Her heart ended up in her stomach as the butterflies started their assault. Blonde hair bounced from side to side as the woman it belonged to bounced around singing. A small smile crept over her face as she watched the young woman sing her heart out. She wished in that moment that she wasn’t the commander of her people but an ordinary girl that could do whatever she wanted on a whim because if she could have she would have walked right over to the woman. She would wrap her arms around and starting singing with her even though she had no idea what she was singing. Her head was telling her to move but her body wasn’t listening she was transfixed on the woman.

 

Clarke put her hands out to Octavia who grabbed a hold of them and stood up. They started dancing around and pretending to be holding microphones. Lexa had to admit that seeing Clarke in this light only made her feel for her more. She had hoped that if she saw the blonde in a more innocent way that she wouldn’t be as attracted to her but it seemed to be doing the opposite. The blonde continued to dance around with her friend. She watched as she moved towards Bellamy and sang at him. The jealous welled up again before she could bury it. She knew they were just friends, at least she hoped they were still just friends. She didn’t see their chemistry, he reminded her of a big brother not a love interest but who was she to judge when she had left her to die.

 

Shaking her head her body finally started to move towards the mess hall, not that she was at all hungry now.

 

XOXO

 

Later that night Clarke pulled a chair up to Alexandria’s bed after setting up another dose of anti-biotics. “This may burn as it starts to go into your veins, it shouldn’t take long to stop and if it doesn’t you need to tell me so that I can fix it.” The older woman nodded as Clarke sat down.

 

“So tell me about your granddaughter.” The woman’s face lit up proudly.

 

“She is the greatest granddaughter I woman could ask for, a brave, strong warrior. She’s a leader not a follower and has been since she was a little girl. She’s growing into an incredible woman, sometimes she forgets to let herself celebrate her victories. She’s so incredibly wise and at the same time beautiful. Many have vied for her affection but she isn’t interested.” Clarke watched the woman’s face go from smiling to trying too and she knew that meant the drug was starting to pump through her veins.

 

“She sounds amazing, but I’m sure if she’s half the woman you are she is very lucky.”

 

“She has had to take on a lot of responsibility but she never lets fear waver her. She is very respected amongst our people, you two are very similar. I think she would like you.”

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to stop by earlier to meet her but I promised some friends I’d hang out with them instead of working around here.”

 

Alexandria took Clarke’s hand in hers. “The burning is stopping. The last dose didn’t feel like this.”

 

“We’re still unsure of how your bodies work differently than ours based on exposure levels. Let me get you an ice pack to help make that area feel better.” Clarke smiled gently as she got up and moved out of the room only to be back moments later. She sat back down and softly placed the ice pack over where the IV was going into Alexandria’s arm. “Is that a little better?”

 

“Yes, thank you and thank you for taking my mind off this. Now tell me about you, are you seeing anyone? Training still? I heard rumours about a sky girl training to be one of us.”

 

Clarke let out a small laugh. “Not me that would probably be Octavia. She was a second for a brief moment in time, but I’m sure she wishes it had been longer. As for seeing someone, I can’t even think about that right now. A friend asked me what I wanted after our war with the mountain, I couldn’t answer it then and I still can’t figure it out. I’m taking some time to ‘enjoy’ life, doctors orders.”

 

“You’re friend was wise to ask you that, it’s an important question but life is too short to sit around waiting for things to happen. Enjoy life Clarke but don’t let it pass you by either. You should consider visiting Polis, you would like it there, lots of eligible, worthy companions.”

 

Again Clarke laughed. “I don’t think I’m in any position to like anyone, I didn’t, don’t think I’m ready. There was someone and some things happened and I’m just not over it.”

 

“Right, the boy who murdered half a village.” Clarke felt like she should have nodded but she didn’t.

 

“How’s your arm feel?”

 

“It’s okay, the burning has stopped. What happened?”

 

Clarke removed the ice pack and gently rubbed the woman’s arm. “Good and a part of me was hoping someone would come back, though I don’t how I would handle it. So for now I’m enjoying my time learning and spending time with my friends. I figure we worked so hard to save them, we might as well enjoy it while we can.”

 

Outside the room Lexa stood watching over her grandmother with Abby. “She looks like your husband, Clarke spoke very highly of him.”

 

Abby swallowed the lump in her throat. “They were very close. I betrayed their trust but she’s come around.”

 

Lexa took a deep breath. “You are her mother, she must forgive you. She can not forgive me, because I can not forgive myself.”

 

“You redeemed yourself, you did what was right for your people. Had it been my choice I would have done the same. Don’t stay up to late your grandmother needs rest. If you need anything,” Abby trailed off as Lexa nodded her head. “Thank you for staying in from the cold, we can’t have you getting sick too.”

 

XOXO

 

The next morning Lexa sat by her grandmother’s bedside. She knew she should be out making sure that a war had not started but she couldn’t bring herself to leave. This is why she thought love was weakness, it was the only thing that could stop her from doing her duty.

 

“Hey Clarke, Bell said you wanted me to meet you here.” Lexa turned her head at the voice coming from the door. “Lexa?”

 

“Octavia.” It came out weaker than she wanted, she wasn’t sure why but it was all she could offer in that moment.

 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa watched as Octavia stiffened, she didn’t trust her and Lexa understood why.

 

“This is my grandmother, Alexandria. Abby is healing her, I think she wanted to meet the girl from the sky who became a girl from the ground. There are many good whispers of you.”

 

Octavia moved forward slowly, coming to a stop once she was on the other side of the woman’s bed. “This is the patient Clarke has been spending so much time with.” Lexa nodded as her gaze was fixed on the sleeping woman. “And she doesn’t know that she’s related to you.”

 

“She does not. I asked Abby not to tell her. My grandmother should not have to bare my responsibility.”

 

“Good morning my love.” Alexandria smiled as she slowly opened her eyes.

 

“Good morning.” Lexa stood up and kissed her grandmothers forehead. “This is Octavia.”

 

The woman’s sleepy smile grew as large as it could as she reached out to take hold of Octavia’s hand. “I have heard so many amazing things about you that I knew I had to meet you.”

 

“The pleasure is mine, I wasn’t aware I had a reputation.” Octavia nodded towards Lexa who sat back down.

 

“Anyone who has learned the way you have earns a reputation. Thank you for coming down here to appease an old woman’s curiosity.”

 

Octavia couldn’t help but smile at the woman that still had a hold of her hand. Clarke had been right in telling her that this woman was seemingly amazing but she couldn’t figure out how Lexa came from such a kind and gentle woman.

 

“Clarke tells me she’s teaching you chess, we’ll have to have a match sometime soon, I’ll warn you though, I’m pretty good at it but until then I should be getting back. I have guard duty today.”

 

Alexandria smiled. “Once a warrior, always a warrior.”

 

“It was very nice to meet you Octavia.”

 

“And you as well. Lexa.” She offered a small nod in the commander’s direction. It was the most polite thing she could come up with, especially in the presence of someone’s family member.

 

XOXO

 

“Sorry I’m late Alex, but I brought the chess board.” Clarke grinned from ear to ear as she moved closer to the woman and brought the table that was in the corner of the room over.

 

“Not to worry dear, I was kept company by my grand daughter and Octavia. She’s a strong girl, I see why people are talking about her.”

 

XOXO

 

Lexa heard the sound of loud incessant beeping from way down the hall. As she got closer and realized what room the sounds were coming from she took off into a sprint. Her body flying on autopilot as the pit in her stomach grew. She burst into the room abruptly to see her grandmother lying flat on her back in the bed with Clarke beside her pushing down on her chest in even intervals as Abby moved around on the other side of the bed. Her feet started to betray her as she came to a standstill just inside the door.

 

Clarke and Abby both turned around momentarily to see who had rushed into the room. “Lexa.” Clarke’s voice drifted across the room like she had just seen a ghost. The blonde looked from the commander to the woman in her care. “You’re her granddaughter.”

 

A single nod yes in acknowledgement. “Please don’t let her die Clarke, she’s all I have. Don’t let her die because of what I have done.”

 

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

She took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door. Her heart was beating faster than it ever had. Her palms were sweaty, she had no idea what she was going to say once that door opened. She had been in hundreds of battles, united 12 clans, won wars and yet this was the most nervous she had ever been.

 

“My mother isn’t here and you shouldn’t be either.” Looking up from the spot on the floor she was staring at Lexa finally found her will to speak.

 

“I wasn’t looking for your mother, I was looking for you.”

 

“Why? We don’t have anything to talk about.” Clarke started to push the door closed.

 

Sticking her arm out Lexa stopped the door and looked up at the woman standing in front of her “Thank you, for saving my grandmother, she’s becoming quite fond of you.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me for that, she seems like an incredible woman. I enjoy spending time with her. Is that it?” Clarke wouldn’t meet her gaze at all and it broke her heart all over again.

 

“Clarke.” Her name came out soft and gentle, but strong and assertive all at once. It caught her attention and for the first time in what seemed like forever Clarke looked directly at her.

 

“Don’t. Just don’t. Don’t say my name like I meant something to you when you left me there to die. Do me a favour, stay the hell away from me.”

 

With that the only sound that could be heard was the door slamming shut. It made Lexa jump slightly; she hung her head in defeat as she slowly walked back to her grandmother’s room. The commander in her wanted to break the door down and force Clarke to listen to her, the other side of her knew that Clarke had every right to be upset, even if her actions were justified.

 

_XOXO_

 

“Can I help you Octavia?” Lexa didn’t bother looking up from where she sat on the cold tile floor.

 

“Why are you sitting out here? You’re scaring the children.”

 

“My grandmother is in surgery. The infection weakened her lungs, Abby said something about her not being able to get enough air.”

 

Octavia sat down next to the woman she only knew as the commander. “Here I thought you didn’t care about anyone. This is the second time you’ve surprised me. I figured you’d be out there telling the grounders what to do instead of worrying in here.”

 

“I’m not worrying, I do not worry myself with things I can not control but I want to stay close by incase anything happens. She has never abandoned me, I will never abandon her. My people are fine for the time being, Indra is more than capable of taking care of them in my absence.”

 

“You know you’re not as intimidating without all the makeup and armour.”

 

“I am not your commander anymore but that does not mean you should mock me Octavia. We both know I’m not to be trusted.” Her voice was cold and eerie even though it was barely louder than a whisper.

 

“You earned some trust by doing what you did, that wasn’t something you had to do. You’re grandmother will be okay, Abby and Clarke are the best.”

 

For the first time during their conversation Lexa looked at Octavia. “Clarke is in there?”

 

Octavia nodded. “She bailed on poker night so that she could be. She said Alexandria needed someone in there for moral support and since you aren’t allowed in she’s there in your place. That and she’s pretty damn good at fixing people. You should tell her.” Octavia said as she stood up and dusted herself off.

 

“Someday she’ll know.”

 

“Someday who will know what?” The new voice made both brunettes heads turn.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa stood quickly. “How is she?”

 

Clarke looked at Octavia to see if she’d let something slip about what she had walked in on but the other girl stood still. “She made it through surgery but we’re going to have to keep a close eye on her, her body is weak and needs time to heal. Before you tell me that you can care for your own people I’m going to suggest she stay here for the foreseeable future.”

 

“May I see her?” The tension between them was too much for Lexa to handle at the moment. She could only care so much at once before the dam that she built inside herself broke. Without a word, Clarke nodded as Lexa immediately moved past her.

 

“Since when are you and Lexa besties?” Both women turned and watched Lexa sit by her grandmother’s bedside.

 

Octavia looked over at Clarke. “I wasn’t entirely right about her and we are far from besties.” With that Octavia walked away, leaving Clarke to stand staring at the woman she couldn’t stop thinking about. She wanted to hate her, she was so angry and bitter but she couldn’t keep her eyes off of the commander as she sat helplessly by her grandmother’s bedside.

 

It was then that she remembered all the things Alexandria had said about her granddaughter, how the two of them would be good friends, and how the woman had been giving her clues as to who her granddaughter was. Which could have only meant that she knew who Clarke was. Lexa had told her grandmother about her, but why.

 

Lost in her thoughts she hadn’t seen her mother walk into the room. Watching her now she saw her check the elderly woman’s vital and incision sight. Then she watched as she moved next to Lexa and gently rubbed her back like any mother would do. Still she couldn’t figure out why her mother and Octavia were being somewhat nice to the woman who left them all to die. There was something no one was telling her and she was going to figure out exactly what that was just as soon as she took her eyes off the woman she had been falling for before her world got ripped apart.

 

_XOXO_

 

“Which one of you wants to tell me why none of you have threatened to kill Lexa yet?” Clarke was clearly pissed off as she marched towards her friends in the rec room. As she got closer she glared at Bellamy. “Well…”

 

“Well nothing, there’s nothing to say. She’s the Commander and I’m pretty sure we’re all up on near death experiences.”

 

Jasper and Monty both nodded. “Bellamy’s right, I think I’ve used 8 and a half of my nine lives.” Jasper shrugged as he watched Clarke turn away from them.

 

“I think that sounds like a conversation you need to have with her.” Lincoln offered without much more.

 

“You all suck, I hope you know that!”

 

They all watched as Clarke stomped out of the room knowing that she probably wasn’t going to be too happy for the next little while.

 

_XOXO_

 

The door closing startled Lexa from where she sat. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were still here. I need to check her vitals.” Lexa stood up to leave. “You can stay, it won’t take me long.” The tension between them was so heavy it filled Lexa’s lungs with every breath. “She spoke a lot about you but you never told me about her.”

 

“Love is weakness Clarke, but only if people know of it.” Her words made the blonde turn around and look at her.

 

“I thought we trusted each other.”

 

Lexa continued to look at her grandmother. “We did, but that doesn’t mean I still wasn’t going to protect myself.”

 

Clarke kept looking back and forth from the monitors to her clipboard. “I’d never hurt you or her.”

 

“A commander can never be too careful Clarke.”

 

“You were named after her?” She asked as she listened to the woman’s lungs.

 

Lexa nodded as she watched Clarke finish checking up on her grandmother. “Yes.” She paused, as Clarke got closer to the door. “Yes, she knew about you before we came here. She’s known about you for a long time. I can’t trust many people but she has always been someone I could trust.” It made the blonde woman stop. “I know you’re thinking about it. I can see you searching your mind for the answers but sometimes the answers aren’t what you have decided they are.”

 

“You don’t get to come here and do that, you don’t get to come here and pretend like you didn’t leave my people to die.”

 

Lexa tilted her head back and closed her eyes. “Your people or you? Which bothers you more?”

 

“My people.” If it wasn’t for the fact that her voice cracked as she spoke those words Lexa would have believed her.

 

_XOXO_

 

“You’ve been with her all night?” Clarke moved back into the room the next morning to once again check on Alexandria’s vitals. Lexa didn’t speak, she only nodded as she continued to watch Clarke move around. “You need sleep.”

 

“I watch over the people I care about. I’ll sleep when she is well, like I once did for you.” The memories of the night they spent in the woods coming back to them both.

 

“You stayed up that whole night?” Clarke’s tone was questioning but much softer than it had been.

 

Once again Lexa nodded. “You saved me, the least I could do was allow you to sleep without fear.”

 

“I don’t understand you, you do things that are so caring but then you turned your back on me.”

 

“I have a duty to my people above any duty I have to myself. I was chosen to do a job and unfortunately that job didn’t end when you were victorious over the mountain.” With that Clarke once again left leaving Lexa alone with her thoughts.

 

An hour later Lexa awoke with her head on her grandmother’s bed. “I’ve never seen you sleep so much. I brought you something to eat, I figured you could use it.” Clarke moved her head towards the table in front of the commander as she stood up from the chair she sat in on the other side of the bed. “Oh and Lexa,” the brunette looked up with tired eyes. “I will find out what you all are hiding.”

 

 **TBC…**   

 


	5. Chapter 5

“For someone who doesn’t want to be around her, you sure as hell spend enough time with her grandmother.” Octavia threw some popcorn at her brother as she grilled Clarke. 

For her part the blonde rolled her eyes as she sat back in her chair. Notepad in hand as she sketched aimlessly. “Key point, with her grandmother.” 

“And she’s always there, so what do you need to keep her company for.” Bellamy added as he threw popcorn back at Octavia. 

“Andria and I play checkers, the commander stays quiet and sits there with her eyes closed. I don’t even know why she’s there, she barely talks. Sometimes I forget she is there.” The Blake siblings shared a knowing look. “Unless the two of you are going to tell me why it is you’re all being cordial with her then we’re going to drop this subject.” 

Octavia scoffed under her breath. “Okay princess commander.” 

“What was that?” Clarke looked at her with raised eyebrows. Octavia shook her head with a smile and shrug in response causing Clarke to storm off. 

“She’s a lot more irritable lately.” Bellamy laughed as the two siblings went back to playing cards. 

“Tell me about it, I’m about to tell her myself because she’s not going to stop until the finds out.” 

Bellamy shook his head. “Not our place O, we talked about this.”

“But even I feel bad for Lexa to be taking all this crap.”

“When Abby and Lexa are ready and even if they don’t then it still isn’t our place to tell her.” 

_XOXO_

“What are you doing up here? Following me now?” Clarke stopped in her tracks once she reached the top of the ladder. Lexa didn’t bother to turn around, instead she sat silently looking out over the trees. 

It took several long moments before the commander decided to speak. “I did not know you had laid claim to a roof top.” 

“I come up here almost every morning, you’re smart, I’m sure you’ve noticed.” Clarke moved a little closer to the ledge where Lexa was sitting. The sun was starting to poke its head up over the mountains.   
“I have much more important things to worry about Clarke.” 

Clarke was thankful that the Commander’s back was to her. It wasn’t the first time she had been mad at the other woman but this was different. She broke her heart and her trust all in one swift motion. Clarke didn’t want Lexa to see the pain in her eyes, she wanted to prove that she was stronger than Lexa, that it really didn’t matter to her, even though it did. It mattered because she wished Lexa would fix it, she wished she’d turn around and do something to make the pain go away. 

“What are you doing up here Commander.” 

Another long pause. “There is nothing more beautiful than the glow of the morning sun. I don’t get much time to be with my own thoughts, early in the morning is when I get to do that.” With that she stood up, and started to move towards Clarke, she walked right by her without looking. “Enjoy your time of solace Clarke of the sky people.” By the time Clarke was able to turn around Lexa was gone. 

_XOXO_

“What has you smiling like you just found Monty’s stash?” Bellamy asked with a laugh as he sat down next to Clarke on the log around the fire. 

Campfires were something they had read about while they were on the Ark. They didn’t get many real ones when the drop ship crashed because they were too worried about the grounders but now that they were safe for all intents and purposes they tried to make the most out of it. It was getting cold but it didn’t seem to bother them as they sat around singing and drinking. 

Clarke reached behind her and picked up the guitar that had been lying on the ground. “Guitar got fixed. And…” She held up a bottle in her other hand. 

“You found Monty’s stash.” She wiggled her eyebrows before taking a swig from the bottle and passing it to Lincoln. 

“So I take it grounders don’t sit around and drink?” Jasper asked sitting down next to Lincoln. 

“Actually they do but it’s not the same we haven’t always known peace. Grounders still have their ways of having fun.” 

Jasper patted him on the back and shook his head. “Doubt it. Clarke, come on and play something already or pass it on.” 

Clarke reached for the bottle and took another swig before she started singing. “She’s got class and style, street knowledge by the pound. Baby never act wild, very low key on the profile.” She continued to strum as she noticed Octavia sit down with Lexa. Closing her eyes for a second she let the alcohol control the nerves that had suddenly over come her. “Catching feelings is a no,” Clarke looked up at Lexa, internally laughing how fitting the lyrics were, “let me tell you how it goes. Herb’s the word, spins the verb. Lover’s it curves so freak what you heard. Rollin’ with phatness you don’t even know what the half is. You gotta pay to play, just for shorty bang-bang to look your way. I like the way you work it, trump tight all day every day. You’re blowing my mind, maybe in time baby I can get you in my ride. No diggity, I like the way you work it, no diggity, I got to back it up.” 

A few of the others joined in as Lexa took a sip from the bottle. Her grandmother had insisted she go with Octavia to relax but this definitely wasn’t what she was expecting. It was hard for her to not stare in awe at Clarke as she sang so she opted for glaring at the fire as if her life depended on it. 

“You should tell her, she may be more willing to look at you if you do.” Lincoln leaned over and whispered in her ear. 

“It is not your concern. I do not want to sway her mind, she is mad and she has a right to be. I can deal with the consequences as I have been.” 

“But she only knows half of the story.” 

Lexa took a moment to look at Clarke before looking back at Lincoln. “I will not repeat myself again.” 

This time he nodded. “My apologies Commander.” 

“I don’t understand your people’s idea of fun, that drink is dreadful.” Lexa said as she passed the bottle back to Octavia. 

“I don’t understand how you aren’t on the floor with how much you’ve had of it.” Lexa and Lincoln shared a look before they both laughed. “What?” 

“We have something much stronger than that and it tastes a lot better.” 

“Damn, I really need to go to the capitol then!” Before she could get anything more out she noticed Lexa’s gaze shift away from her. 

“Is she okay?” 

Octavia turned her head and saw what the commander was looking at. Clarke sleeping form, curled up against one of the logs. “She hasn’t slept well in the past little while. Sometimes I think she sleeps better out here then she does in a bed. Where the hell is Bellamy to take her inside?” She looked around for her brother without finding him. 

“It’s okay I got it.” Lincoln smiled as he went to move before feeling a strong hand on his arm. 

“I’ll do it. I need to check on my grandmother anyways.” Lincoln and Octavia both shared a look before nodding. 

_XOXO_

Getting Clarke up wasn’t the easiest task in the world. When the girl did sleep, it was like trying to wake a bear. “Come on Clarke, help me out.” 

“I’m still so tired though.” Lexa couldn’t help the smile that crept over her face as Clarke slung her arm over her shoulder. 

“We’ll get you to your bed so you can sleep peacefully. Sleeping outside is no fun for anyone.” 

“I don’t mind it, I like the fresh air.” She slurred, half from sleep and half from the alcohol. Lexa wrapped her arm tighter around Clarke’s waist as the girl started to waver slightly. 

Five minutes later Lexa managed to open the apartment door, after knocking and not getting a response. She let Clarke lead her into her room, where sketches adorned the walls along with a few make shift swords. While she was looking at the dimly lit room her grip on Clarke’s waist lessened. So when Clarke started to fall onto the bed she pulled Lexa down with her without meaning too. 

It took the commander a few moments to get her bearings. When she finally did she saw Clarke’s shimmering blue eyes looking up at her. “I hate you but at the same time I never want to let you leave again.” The words caused both of them to momentarily hold their breath. 

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat before pushing herself up. “You should sleep Clarke.” She pulled the blanket up over the blonde before making her way towards the door.

“I hoped you were her granddaughter. The person she spoke of reminded me of you, and the way she said my name was so familiar. You told her about me, why?” 

“Clarke, you must rest or you will not feel well tomorrow.” 

“It’s not like you care.” 

Lexa took a deep breath and turned around. She knelt beside Clarke’s bed. “I care enough to stay while you sleep. I won’t let anything hurt you, just rest. You’re a very good singer, you never told me you could do that.”   
Clarke turned away from Lexa and pulled the covers up higher. “You should leave. I told you I don’t want you near me.” Lexa rolled her eyes and stood up. “What do you know about singing anyways?"

“Although we’ve come to the end of the road, still I can’t let go. It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you. Come to the end of the road, still I can’t let go.” She sang softly without looking back at the blonde she had just helped into bed. 

Clarke didn’t roll over again until she heard the sound of the front door close. Lexa had just sung to her, the heartless warrior had just put her to bed and sang to her. She wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it, but she couldn’t help but think that the woman definitely did know what she was talking about when it came to singing. 

**TBC...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. First off I just wanted to say thank you all so much for the kudos, comments and everything else it means a great deal. Secondly, I apologize for the glitch that posted chapter 5 twice... not sure what happened but thanks to everyone who pointed it out because I never would have noticed. To apologize for the mix up here's the actual chapter 6. Hope you enjoy.

“Clarke what do we do?!” Monty yelled as the Commander’s body started to seize.

 

“Clarke!” Bellamy tried as he looked at the blonde frozen in place. “Clarke!” He yelled again trying to break her from her trance.

 

She was stuck. All she could see over and over again was Lexa telling her that she had made a deal and then the grounder carrying the Commander to their door step. It felt like her feet were stuck in cement, her head stuck in the sky and her heart chained. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t feel. It wasn’t until she felt someone grab her arm that her eyes finally started to register what she was seeing.

 

She shook the cobwebs from her head and managed to take a deep breathe. “Turn her onto her side.” She instructed as she moved forward, her heart starting to find its rhythm again. “We didn’t have anything to do with this.” She looked at the grounder, and realized it was Nyko.

 

He nodded his head as she moved closer to Lexa’s side. “She’s been sick for a little while but it’s only gotten worse. I’ve been trying to treat her but nothing seems to be working.”

 

“Is that where she’s been going?” Clarke asked causing Nyko to nod. “So you know we didn’t do this?” It was reflex to make sure her people were safe and even though the responsibility wasn’t really hers anymore she was finding that old habits die-hard.

 

He nodded once again. “She didn’t want to come to you but I can’t do anything, it’s not working. We need her.”

 

It was Clarke’s turn to nod as she found Lexa’s pulse. “We’ll take it from here, I promise I’ll do whatever I can.”

 

“I must return, I’ll be back in the morning, and Clarke, no one can know of this. It could threaten the unity of the 12 clans.”

 

She gave him a small nod in response. “Let’s get her into the infirmary. Gently.” Bellamy and Lincoln looked at one another as they gently lifted the Commander up off the ground. “And someone get my mother!”

 

As they rushed inside she took one look back at Nyko before they both disappeared in different directions. She never expected for this to happen and her emotions were far too conflicted on what she should do.

 

_XOXO_

 

“Clarke, we need to get that IV in now.” She heard her mother’s words but she was having trouble finding a viable vein.

 

“Okay, I got it.” Clarke moved back as her mother and Jackson moved in.

 

She stepped back and watched her mother work. She hadn’t seen the woman this invested in a patient in a very long time. It didn’t make sense to her, it didn’t fit. Her mother should hate Lexa, should hate what she did. The Commander had nearly gotten them all killed, and yet here her mother was trying to save the woman’s life. Her mother had never approved of their friendship, of her getting close to Lexa and now as Clarke watched her work it was clear their roles were reversed.

 

_XOXO_

 

Three hours later everyone sat in Lexa’s room waiting for the Commander to wake up. Looking around the room Clarke realized she was the furthest away from Lexa’s bed. She understood wanting to keep the Commander alive for the sake of peace but this waiting party was far more than that. It seemed as though whatever infection had been ailing Alexandria was also what was making Lexa so sick. Abby was trying to figure out the strain in the infection that was having such harsh effects on the grounders when Clarke finally broke the silence.

 

“I’ve had it, someone needs to tell me why we are all in here hoping for someone to wake up that nearly got us all killed.” The room was so quite before Clarke had spoken that even though she hadn’t raised her voice, the sound filled the room as if she had screamed. It was then that the monitors started to beep causing Abby to stand and rush to see what had suddenly gone wrong.

 

“Clarke, I need you to help me she’s having a reaction to the medication.” Clarke was again standing still, stuck in place. “Clarke she saved our lives, she saved your life. I owe her everything, so snap out of it and realize who is lying in front of you.”

 

“No, no she left.”

 

Abby turned her attention away from Lexa and faced her daughter. “Clarke, she saved all of our lives now let’s save hers. I’ll explain later but for right now we need to save her.”

 

_XOXO_

 

Once again Clarke found herself in a room full of people that never approved of her alliance with Lexa. No one had spoken since her mother had finally told her what they had all been hiding. She was trying to wrap her head around it, trying to figure out if her mother was telling her the truth. But the look on everyone else’s faces made her believe Abby.

 

“How?” Her heart was beating out of her chest, she wasn’t sure how to make light of this new information.

 

“I don’t know, that’s something you’ll have to ask her. All I know is she stormed into the room and before I knew it you were in my arms rather than lying on a table. They were about to kill you and there was nothing any of us could do and then Lexa came in, everything after that is a blur even to me.”

 

“And none of you thought it would be wise to tell me this why?” She looked directly at Bellamy.

 

He held her gaze for a minute before answering. “She asked us not too.”

 

“I don’t understand, she left. I watched her leave.” This time she looked at Lincoln, begging him with a look to shed some light where others couldn’t.

 

“I thought she left too, she was still at camp when Indra left the knife for me. I don’t know how she got there as fast as she did.”

 

The room was quiet again as Clarke took in the information and tried to process it. None of it made sense. Lexa explaining the deal to her as they stood outside the doors of Mount Weather was playing over and over again in her head. All of their people had to leave for the deal to hold.

 

“You were part of the deal Clarke.” It was barely above a whisper but to Clarke it was loud and clear. She looked over to see Lexa’s eyes open and looking at her. The Commander left out a cough as Abby moved to her side to check on her.

 

Clarke stood up, eyes glassy and confused. Her feet began to move and it shocked everyone when she left the room. Everyone except Lexa. The sound of the door closing behind her caused everyone to snap out of their own dazes.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa whispered to Abby as the woman briefly held the Commanders hand. “You didn’t owe me anything after you helped Alexandria.”

 

Abby shook her head. “I still owed you everything. She’ll come around.”

 

_XOXO_

 

Clarke found herself on the roof once again, this time completely alone. The way she generally liked it. She watched as the sun started to rise above the trees. Lexa’s words playing again in her head for what seemed liked the millionth time. She tried to replay that fateful day inside Mount Weather when the mountain had fallen. She remembered getting in with Octavia, she remembered ending up strapped to the table with the sound of a drill ringing in her ears. Her friends and mother tied up to the walls as Cage and Emerson looked over her near lifeless body with sinister smiles. She remembered everything going black until she felt a gentle hand on her wrist, freeing her. Then the feeling of being in her mother’s arms, she could never figure out who it was that had freed her from the straps of the bed, and now she knew.

 

# TBC…

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

“Has she always been like this? So mistrusting?” Clarke asked as she made her next chess move.

 

Alexandria nodded. “Her parents died just after she took command. Gustus was her fathers second. Her father, was a general, her mother, my daughter was a fierce warrior and was the previous Commanders second. It wasn’t much of a shock to anyone when Lexa became Commander. She’s been taught to not easily trust and it’s gotten worse since she’s gotten older.”

 

“But she trusted Costia.” Clarke made another move, impressed at how quickly Alexandria had picked up the game.

 

“Lexa and Costia grew up together, with that sort of history it makes it hard to not trust someone.”

 

There was a laugh from the chair on the other side of Alexandria’s bed. “Yeah was she always so keen to off people because they knew something she didn’t want them too?”

 

Clarke looked over at Octavia who had been quietly watching the game being played. “I forgot you were here, don’t scare a girl. No wonder you almost got off’d.”

 

Alexandria let out a small laugh. “No, she wasn’t always like that, that’s newer. Since Costia’s death there have been more attempts on her life, attempts to over throw her. It’s made her cold. Please don’t misunderstand, she’s always been cautious to trust people but she’s never been one for death. That’s how she ended up uniting the 12 clans. That and she’s read far too much on peace. Treaties and such, that ended world wars.”

 

“Wait you guys can read? English?” Octavia leaned forward in her chair.

 

Alexandria again let out a laugh, this time a little louder as she looked over at Octavia with a smile. “Not all of us but those who are from ancient clans and colonies certainly know how to read. Our family dates back to before war and reading as been passed down from generation to generation. How else do you think Lexa got so smart.”

 

“I was beginning to think she just took after you, outside of the wanting to kill everyone thing.”

 

Alexandria again laughed at what Octavia had said even though Clarke had given her a chastising look. “And yet you helped save her life.”

 

“She helped save my brother and our beloved sky princess and freed the rest of our people from the mountain. Had she not come back we wouldn’t be sitting here, at least with all of our limbs.”

 

“I enjoy you Octavia, Indra was right to take you on as a second.”

 

Clarke shook her head and rolled her eyes at the triumphant look on Octavia’s face. “What about you, fierce warrior?” Clarke asked as she watched the woman make her next move.

 

“In my time, but I quickly realized I wasn’t meant to be a warrior, I was a healer. I preferred to keep people alive, rather than kill them but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t.”

 

“Don’t let her fool you, she also made the most toxic poison our army has ever known. It’s so deadly we rarely use it and only a select group of people know how to make it. Even fewer know how to cure it.”

 

The women in the room turned their attention towards the door where they saw Lexa being pushed in a wheel chair. “You aren’t supposed to be out of bed.” Clarke’s tone was harsh but sincere. The two former friends had seen little of each other since Clarke found out about Lexa’s save.

 

“I had to see my grandmother, plus Jackson insisted the only way I could was in this chair. I did not mean to interrupt your game.”

 

“No it’s cool, tell me more about this evil genius over here.” Octavia grinned as she looked back and forth between grandmother and granddaughter.

 

“She seems sweet and kind but underneath all that is a deadly warrior. She took out an entire village by poisoning their drinking water.”

 

Octavia looked at Alexandria with awe. “They were going to attack my people, my granddaughter was but a child at the time.”

 

“Shit!” Octavia cursed as she looked up at the clock. “I was supposed to meet Lincoln to train like a half hour ago. Catch you later Ali and I want to hear more about this badass poison you brewed up!”

 

“Bye Octavia, thank you for the visit.” Alexandria smiled.

 

“I should give you two some time too.” Clarke smiled as she stood up from her chair as Lexa moved to where Octavia had been no more than a minute before.

 

“We haven’t finished our game yet and I would really like too.” There was no way Clarke could say no to that so she silently sat back down in her chair.

 

“How are you feeling my love.” Lexa gave them a woman a pointed look. “Lexa, I think Clarke knows more of our language than you think, it would have made no difference how I spoke.”

 

Lexa huffed slightly, a sign Clarke knew to be the Commander relenting to being wrong, something that didn’t happen very often. “Better, though I am still quite drained. Abby says that’s to be expected and I’m not allowed to go to camp. I have to remain in this concrete zoo.”

 

“We visited the zoo and this is far from it, thanks.” Clarke didn’t mean for the words to actually come out of her mouth and she wasn’t the only one. Both Lexa and Alexandria both looked at her with shocked expressions. “Sorry. Thinking out loud.”

 

Clarke didn’t say much after that, she kept her mind focused on the chess game as the two relatives spoke softly to one another. They spoke mostly in trigedasleng and occasionally in English. She was pretty sure it wasn’t to exclude you but that it was simply easier for them to speak in their native tongue. The softness she noticed take over the Commander’s features brought her back to the night they spent trapped in the zoo.

 

All the new information she had been learning about Lexa made it hard for her to think clearly. Her head and her heart were at war with one another. Her heart was still hurting and breaking but her head was trying to tell her to feel all the things she didn’t want to. As she looked over at the woman is was hard not to be drawn to her still, Alexandria’s words ringing in her head. Lexa didn’t trust easily and yet she had trusted Clarke, she had come back for her.

 

Octavia had explained a small bit of why she no longer hated Lexa. She told her she didn’t trust her but she didn’t hold any ill will towards her anymore because she had made up for her mistakes. It had been a lot to take in in a short amount of time and although she didn’t make it a habit to visit Lexa during the day she did manage to sneak in at night to check her vitals and make sure she was comfortable.

 

“Check mate.” The words brought Clarke out of her daze and made her look down at the board.

 

“How did you?”

 

Alexandria smiled. “It’s much easier when your mind is elsewhere.”

 

“I think you just learn faster than I anticipated. You should really get back to bed yourself.” She didn’t look at Lexa but the woman knew Clarke was talking to her.

 

Lexa nodded. “Can you please tell Jackson, I’m sure no one will let me get myself back.”

 

“I’ll just take you myself, he’s probably busy helping my mom.”

 

Lexa said her goodbyes to her grandmother as Clarke stepped behind her. “Have a good day Ali, see you later.”

 

 

“It’s fine Clarke, I can wait for Jackson.” Lexa said softly as they exited her grandmothers room.

 

Clarke shook her head even though she knew the commander couldn’t see her. “I said I’d do it.” No further words were spoken as Lexa nodded her head without any further arguing.

 

Once they were back in Lexa’s room Clarke insisted on helping her get back into bed. “Stop being stubborn. That’s what got you here.”

 

“You do not wish to be near me let alone touching me, I’m being polite not stubborn do not confuse the two.”

 

“Well just stop then.” Again the commander nodded as Clarke helped her back into bed.

 

“Thank you, sky princess was it?”

 

Clarke shot her a death glare before looking at her and realizing the woman in front of her was joking. “Joking is not the product of a strong mind commander.” She intended for it to come out harsher but her mind was letting her down.

 

Lexa let out a small weak laugh. “I thought that was love and mockery. I can’t keep up with my own rules right now.”

 

“Okay, I think you’re seriously starting to lose it. I mean it, as your doctor you need rest. My mother should be in soon to check on you.”

 

“Thank you.” It was Clarke’s turn to nod before she left the room.

 

XOXO

 

Three days later Clarke found herself lying awake in bed. Her mind wouldn’t stop going around in circles. When she was awake all she could think about was Lexa and what she had said. ‘You were apart of the deal’. She couldn’t figure out what the hell she had meant by that but she had a good idea, which oddly enough didn’t make her feel better. When she finally was asleep her nightmares of what she remembers happening took control.

 

Shaking the thoughts from her head she got dressed and started walking down the hall. The same as she had done for the past few days when the nightmares woke her up. She yawned as she got off the elevator on the third floor and walked quietly into the lab. She grabbed the appropriate chart and left the room.

 

She stopped in front of the door long enough to take a deep breathe and proceed. There was a dim light in the corner that shed enough light for her to view the paperwork in her chart. The machines beeped quietly as the patient slept. She moved silently to make sure not to wake her as she checked the woman’s vitals.

 

“For someone who doesn’t want to be near me you can’t seem to stay away.”

 

“What?” Clarke looked over at Lexa, somewhat startled.

 

“You’ve been here every night Clarke.”

 

Clarke looked from her chart to Lexa and back to the monitors. “You’re vitals need to be checked every few hours.”

 

Lexa gave a weak nod as she shivered. “Jackson came in not to long ago and did that.”

 

Clarke went to speak but nothing came out. She had been caught. “It’s a good thing I double checked, your fever is pretty high.” Maybe she could cover after all.

 

“Jackson told me. My body is fighting the medicine but I asked him if it was working and he said yes so I’ll manage.” Busted. “Since you’re here can you get me another blanket it feels like winter in my bones.”

 

Clarke shook her head no. “I can’t, your body will over heat and it won’t do you any good, you should reconsider your treatment plan if it’s causing you this much pain and discomfort.”

 

“This is the quickest way for me to heal so I can get back to my people.”

 

Clarke shook her head as she took in Lexa shivering. “Your people need you alive and well. Suffering to get back to them won’t help anyone.”

 

“And causing you to suffer is not helping either of us. Plus I can’t stand to lie around in the bed any longer than necessary. I’m going crazy doing nothing.”

 

“You’re fine.”

 

“But you are not and I’m not as heartless as you may think.” She shivered again and pulled the blankets up higher. “I do not wish you pain Clarke.” The honesty in her voice gave Clarke goose bumps and left her speechless as the blonde continued to look over Lexa’s vitals. “Why do you insist on coming in here every night?”

 

“You need rest commander.” Lexa knew Clarke not saying her name wasn’t a sign of respect but the woman showing her that she no longer trusted her.

 

“It’s not a hard question.”

 

“Let it go. You need to rest.”

“What was it you were watching the other day when I first came to your room?” Lexa’s voice shook, barely above a whisper as Clarke moved closer.

 

“A movie. It used to be a big thing before the war.”

 

“I read about those once, was it any good?”

 

Clarke nodded. “It helps pass the time. I used to watch them with my father. I can get a screen in here so you can watch one if it’ll help you sleep and keep you in that bed.”

 

“I suppose I could watch one if it isn’t too much trouble.”

 

Five minutes later Clarke was moving a screen in front of Lexa. When she looked over she saw the Commanders eyes barely open and her lips quivering. “I know death doesn’t scare you but regardless of who your spirit chooses, it won’t be the same as your people having you. So you need to keep fighting.” Lexa tried to speak as Clarke moved to her side and put a cool cloth on her forehead.

 

“What’s this about?”

 

“It’s a cartoon, about a dog who solves mysteries. It’s the only thing I could find.” Even sick as she was Lexa was still able to raise her eyebrow at Clarke’s choice. “It was my favourite as a child you should be thankful I’m sharing it with you.”

 

An hour later Clarke still sat beside Lexa’s bedside watching Scooby Doo. No words were spoken, Clarke monitored Lexa’s fever and Lexa tried to watch the cartoon even though she was in and out of sleep. When Clarke noticed her sleeping she couldn’t help but watch her. She was so peaceful when she slept, her features relaxed and the weight of the world no longer seemed like it was on her shoulders. As she continued to shiver, despite the medication Clarke had given her, the blonde decided that there was only one thing left that she could try.

 

Clarke peeled back the blankets and got in next to the Commander before pulling the blankets back up. The cartoon continued to play and Clarke tried to watch it for a short period of time before she felt her body start to get tired. She told herself that she needed to get up once she felt Lexa stop shivering but she couldn’t will her legs to move. Instead she stayed where she was, barely touching the other woman but staying close enough to keep her warm. She wouldn’t admit it but for the first time in what seemed like forever Clarke felt safe.

 

**TBC…**

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

It was early in the morning when Abby quietly opened the room door. First she had checked on Alexandria and then Lexa. She was shocked to not find Clarke by Alexandria’s bedside since she hadn’t been home, but not as shocked as she was when she turned on a dim light in the room.

 

“Is she sleeping?” Abby asked with an astonished look as she entered Lexa’s room. Lexa nodded slowly, being careful to not wake the sleeping blonde. “How long has she been out for?”

 

“I’m not sure, I woke up this way but I’ve been awake for two hours and she’s barely moved.”

 

“Hmm, she hasn’t slept for that long at a time in a while. The nightmares usually wake her.” Lexa put her arm out so that Abby could take a blood sample, she was surprisingly a good patient but Abby was certain it was so she could get back to work. “I can wake her if she’s getting heavy.” Somehow in their sleep Clarke’s legs ended up getting tangled with Lexa’s but it wasn’t something the Commander was complaining about.

 

“She’s fine. Let her sleep a little more.” Abby nodded as she finished checking Lexa over.

 

“Your fever is down slightly, it’s a good sign but you still need to let your body rest as much as you can. Over exerting yourself will only make it worse in the long run.”

 

Lexa gave a faint smile. “She gave me the lecture last night, I promise to stay as still as I can.”

 

“You didn’t hear this from me but she misses you. She’s stubborn and she won’t say it but I can tell.”

 

“Thank you, I have a lot of work to do to earn her trust back but I’m okay doing that if she lets me.”

 

“Could start by telling her what really happened.”

 

Lexa nodded. “Someday she’ll know.”

 

_XOXO_

 

“Well, well if it isn’t sleeping beauty herself. Nice of you to finally join us.” Raven raised an eyebrow with a slight laugh as Clarke finally sat down in the dining room.

 

“Were too busy cuddled up to your grounder queen to make it to breakfast?”

 

“At least I made it to lunch, I should be hiding out in bed after that embarrassing wake up.”

 

“Yeah what was that? I thought you were all let’s hate the Commander and then you wake up in bed with her. Does that mean that’s in my future next?” Bellamy asked as Clarke gave him a shot in the side.

 

“No because I don’t hate you, I just think you’re repulsive in a gross older brother sort of way.”

 

Bellamy’s face instantly changed to one of disgust as the mental image crept into his minds eye. “But seriously how did you end up in bed with her?”

 

“She had a bad fever and was freezing, thus body heat. Entirely scientific.”

 

Octavia almost spit out the water she was drinking. “Ah, no. Let’s rewind to the cartoon watching and you stalking her room every night to ‘check on her’.”

 

“How do you even know that?” Clarke asked as she shook her head.

 

“So it is true!” Raven joked as she winked at Octavia.

 

“Seriously when did all of you become so wild and free?”

 

Octavia faked hurt before smiling. “When the drop ship landed, so about the same time that you became even more uptight and bitchy. Oh and I know because I went to see Alexandria this morning, you weren’t there and neither was Lexa so I checked in on Lexa for her and boom, Clarke and Lexa lying in a bed. Lying is what you’re good at though, I shouldn’t be too surprised.”

 

“And now we’re back to that, great.” Clarke rolled her eyes as she picked up her plate. “See you guys later.”

 

“O, I thought you forgave her for the TonDc thing.”

 

Octavia smiled. “I did but I’m nothing if not crafty. I’m over them being five years old, Lexa won’t push Clarke and Clarke won’t admit to missing the fearless Commander. The longer they’re together, the sooner one of them will have to break.”

 

“My money’s on the princess.” Bellamy laughed as he got a shot in the arm from Raven.

 

“I got a twinkie on Lexa, home girl can’t keep it in her pants much longer.”

 

“Deal.” The two shook on it as Lincoln looked at his girlfriend somewhat confused. Octavia shook her head as they all went back to eating.

 

_XOXO_

 

“You’re awake. Good, I brought you lunch, least I could do for sleeping on your arm for god only knows how long.” Her voice was more cold than friendly but it wasn’t as harsh as it had been, something Lexa was grateful for.

 

Lexa slowly sat up in bed. “You do know how to speak.”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak this morning. I wasn’t expecting to sleep, let alone for so long.”

 

“It’s fine, Clarke.” Lexa looked up and Clarke felt her world shift again. Every time Lexa looked at her she felt the anger slipping. If she was being honest but she was clinging to the anger because it made the pain of her heart breaking a little easier to bear.

 

“What’s wrong L…Commander?” Clarke took a deep breath stopping herself from saying the woman’s name.

 

Lexa took a bite of the food Clarke had brought in before lying back in bed. “Your mom tells me I’m gonna be here a little while longer.” Clarke nodded, understanding why Lexa looked more distant than usual.

 

“Is there anything I can do?”

 

Lexa thought for a moment before nodding. “There may be, but I can’t ask you for anything Clarke.”

 

“I’m offering, I know what your people mean to you.” For the first time in what seemed like years Clarke’s tone but reminiscent of the one she used to use when speaking to the Commander.

 

“Could you get word to my generals? They’ve set up camp close to here.”

 

“Why would they? Oh, incase we tried to kill you.”

 

“I did leave you all to die.”

 

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “You need to work on your sense of humour, it’s about as good as your sarcasm but I will let them know whatever you want me too. Like I said I need you alive, your generals still aren’t as smart as you.”

 

“I remember you being funnier.” Lexa raised one eyebrow without looking up to make eye contact with the blonde. “I need someone to tell them that I’m okay, I would have asked Kane or Abby but my people don’t trust them.”

 

“And they trust me?” It came out a little airy like the wind had just been knocked out of her.

 

“They do, they see you as the leader of the sky people, the creator of master plans. It’s a compliment.”

 

Clarke nodded in understanding. “What do you need me to tell them?”

 

“What my condition is, that I’ll be fine and that the sky people have found a way to treat an illness that has plagued us since the beginning of our days.” She lets out a cough before continuing. “Tell them that there is hope. Hope that we can defeat an enemy we cannot see.”

 

“I’ll leave shortly. I need to check on Alexandria before I go. She really loves you.”

 

“As I her.” Clarke moved towards the door without another look up at the brunette. “Clarke?” She turns her head back. “Thank you.” A nod, a small one that let’s the Commander know she understands how important her message is.

 

_XOXO_

 

An hour later Abby walked back into Lexa’s room with Jackson right behind her. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Tired, sore.” Lexa answered honestly, not wanting to waste energy she didn’t have.

 

“It’s the medication, the disease is trying to combat it but so far it is winning. I heard Clarke is off sending a message to your people.” Lexa nodded once more, she was incredibly tired even though it was barely the middle of the day.

 

“She may not trust me, but I trust her and now she knows it.”

 

“Good, she’ll respect that and she needed to get out of this mountain, maybe the fresh air will do her well. I actually came in here to tell you that we think it’d be wise if you starting moving around slightly. We don’t want you to over exert yourself but short walks twice a day may do you body some good. As a people you never rest for long so we think your body may respond to getting your heart rate up. I brought you some more comfortable clothes to move around in, I’ll check back in on you later.” Lexa nodded politely as Jackson set the clothes on the chair next to her bed. It was a plain pair of dark blue sweatpants and a beaten up t-shirt, nothing fancy but it would do.

 

_XOXO_

 

It was late at night when Lexa finally decided to forego sleep and go for another short walk. She figured it’d be easier with less people around to watch and she definitely was not able to sleep. No matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t get comfortable. She had changed into the clothes that Abby had left for her and she had to admit that they were much more comfortable than what she had been wearing.

 

As she exited her room she slowly moved down the hall. She peeked into her grandmother’s room and smiled when she saw the woman sleeping. She stood for a moment to take the scene in before continuing on her walk. It wasn’t until she got around to the other side of the floor that she heard the soft sound of music being played and a soft voice accompanying the sound of the guitar.

 

”Little do you know, how I’m breaking while you fall asleep. Little do you know I’m still haunted by the memories.” The Commander got closer and closer to where the sound was coming from. “Little do you know I’m trying to pick myself up piece by piece. Little do you know I, need a little more time. Underneath it all I’m held captive by the hole inside.” As she finally reached the door where the sound was coming from she stoop and looked in. The door was open just enough for her to see who was singing as the words started to make sense in her cloudy mind. “I’ve been holding back for fear that you might change your mind. I’m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight. Little do you know I need a little more time.” Lexa felt the air leave her chest and goose bumps take over her arms and suddenly she felt an odd sensation of hot and cold consume her. She wasn’t sure if her heart was beating or her lungs breathing as she continued to listen to the blonde sing.

 

Without realizing it Lexa had pushed her IV pole into the edge of the door. It was loud enough to jar the blonde from her playing. She stopped and turned her attention towards the door. The silence consumed Lexa more than the sound of Clarke playing. She swallowed the lump in her throat as Clarke starred at her as if her gaze was stuck.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.” Her heart was racing as the words left her lips but she tried her hardest to not let it show.

 

“You’re out of bed.”

 

Lexa nodded. “Your mother told me I should take short walks.”

 

“At,” Clarke looked up at the clock, “Midnight?”

 

“I couldn’t sleep.” She could see Clarke’s knuckles turning white as she held onto the neck of the guitar.

 

“I assume my mother is also the one who gave you my clothes.”

 

Without thinking Lexa looked down and what she was wearing as if she had suddenly forgot. “I’m sorry, I did not know they were yours.”

 

“It’s fine.” Clarke couldn’t stop looking at the Commander, the nervousness she felt continuing to pump the blood in her veins right up to her cheeks. She could feel how hot they were and she could only imagine that her cheeks looked more like tomatoes. That and Lexa looked far too good for someone who was sick but then again Clarke had never imagined Lexa wearing her clothes and she couldn’t help but think about good they looked on her. The way they hugged her curves in all the right way and that the t-shirt showed off the tattoo on Lexa’s arm. She internally scolded herself for continuing to check the woman out.

 

“I’ll make sure to get them back to you, I’m sorry again for interrupting.” With that Lexa started to walk away. It took another minute for Clarke to realize that the woman had left and that she probably thought Clarke was mad at her about it but she couldn’t will her body to move. The length of time they had been silent after her last comment had finally become reality.

 

“Shit.” She cursed herself as she leaned back against the couch she was sitting on.

 

_XOXO_

 

An hour later Clarke had finally settled in on the couch in her apartment when she heard a knock at the door. She rolled her eyes thinking that it was Raven or Bellamy wanting to watch a movie or worse, talk.

 

“Seriously, it’s one o’clock in the morning can’t you find something better to do.” She let out as she opened the door only to come face to face with Lexa. Clarke’s features softened once she took in Lexa’s appearance, she had one hand on her IV pole, the other holding freshly folded clothes.

**TBC….**


	9. Chapter 9

“I’m sorry for the late the hour, I wanted to return these to you.” Lexa’s eyes were as soft as her voice.

 

“I didn’t mean you had to give them back to me, they have to be more comfortable than what you're wearing now and I definitely didn’t mean you had to give them back to me right away. Keep them.”

 

Lexa shook her head. “I insist Clarke, I could see how uneasy it made you.”

 

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh. She always knew Lexa was good at reading her, it was something she appreciated about the Commander. “That’s not why it made me uneasy.” Clarke watched as Lexa nodded, the woman was clearly tired. “Why don’t you come in and sit down for a few minutes before you head back. I need to talk to you about my meeting with your generals.” Clarke knew the only way that she could get Lexa inside without an argument was to tell her she needed to talk to her.

 

The last time Lexa stood in this apartment she hadn’t moved any further than the front door but she got the impression that she was to follow Clarke. She moved slowly behind the other woman as she was led into the living room. Clarke sat down on the couch and looked up at Lexa. “Take those clothes and go change. The washroom is the first door on the right.” The Commander was about to argue when Clarke stood back up. “Go and change or I’ll do it for you. Then we’ll discuss the meeting.” Her voice wasn’t harsh but it had a more commanding tone to it than Lexa would have liked.

 

It took all of Lexa’s energy to not say something snarky in return. Clarke was confusing to say the least, one minute she hated her the next she was telling her she should change into her clothes. “That’s not necessary. I’m fine in what I’m wearing.”

 

Clarke raised an eyebrow and glared. “Go change.”

 

Taking a breath Lexa finally turned towards the washroom. Five minutes later she walked back over to Clarke and saw the same look on the woman’s face she had earlier. “This makes you uncomfortable, I don’t like it.”

 

“Sit down so we can talk.” Clarke said, trying to keep her voice steady. She kept telling herself to pull it together but all she could think about what how good the Commander looked in those sweat pants. Clarke’s t-shirt was just a little too short on her and it allowed for a small gap of skin to show between her abdomen and hips. The blonde swallowed the lump in throat as she closed her eyes and tried to remember why she was so angry with the woman sitting next to her. “I spoke with your generals, they didn’t say much. I can’t say that Indra was happy to see me but she said it was better me than someone else. They said they’re glad you’re going to be okay. Indra basically said everything is as it was and that you have nothing to worry about.”

 

Lexa nodded. “And you believed her?”

 

“I did. The camp was quiet, I’d never seen it like that before and they weren’t expecting me.”

 

“Thank you, Clarke. I appreciate you doing that, yours is the only opinion I truly trust.” There was so much Clarke wanted to say in that moment, about what happened outside the mountain but as she took in Lexa’s appearance she couldn’t bring herself to start the fight.

 

“Wait.” Clarke reached her arm out and gently touched Lexa’s as the woman went to get up. “I was about to watch a movie, if you want to stay?”

 

“I should really get back, I’m sure Jackson will wonder where I’ve gone, I don’t need your mother locking me up to keep me still.”

 

“Sit, rest. I’ll take care of them.” Lexa watched her stand up and open her computer. A few seconds later she walked back over to the couch and sat down. “Taken care of.”

 

##  _XOXO_

An hour into the movie Lexa turned and looked at Clarke. “What kind of a line was that? Where I come from the cook doesn’t clean. How does that even work, it’s not the least bit romantic.”

 

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh. She had never seen Lexa like this and she had to admit that she liked it. “She seemed to like it.”

 

“Would you?” Lexa hadn’t really meant to say it out loud and she was embarrassed that she had.

 

“I guess it would depend on who said it to me but do I really look like the cooking type?”

 

Lexa shook her head. “No, you look like the type to be the ring leader of the whole big plan. Racing cars, stealing things, sounds about right for you.”

 

“I’m a total bad ass, thank you.” There it was, Lexa’s signature eyebrow raise that simultaneously gave Clarke butterflies and chills. “I am, I created a ring of fire!”

 

“With Raven’s help.”

 

“Oh so I guess that makes you the bad ass?” Lexa nodded. “As if.”

 

“I would be Dominic. I’d do anything to protect my family, my people.”

 

Clarke had to give her that point. “But so would I. Fine, since you’re such a movie expert, who would I be then.” She uncrossed her legs to stretch them out as she looked at Lexa for an answer.

 

“Probably the blonde buster. You match the profile after all.”

 

Clarke thought about it for a minute before smiling. She had to agree, that’s probably how it would have turned out. “Okay, I’ll give you this one but only because it means we’d still be rivals.”

 

They went back to watching the movie, neither saying a word. Not even when Clarke noticed that Lexa was shivering. Instead she reached behind her and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch. Leaning over she draped it over the Commander whose eyes were barely open at this point. Standing up Clarke took a look at Lexa’s IV pole, before making a few adjustments.

 

It took another fifteen minutes before they spoke again. “You unhooked my IV?”

 

“You don’t get your next dose for the another couple hours, might as well give your arm some freedom to relax.”

 

Lexa nodded as they again went back to watching the movie. It wasn’t long after that that Lexa drifted off to sleep and at some point her head ended up in Clarke’s lap. Clarke felt herself getting tired as she finished watching the movie, her fingers aimlessly ran through Lexa’s hair. She was so peaceful when she slept and no matter how long she had been there Clarke was sure she would never think anything else. She heard mumbling causing her to look down as the brunette in her lap readjusted and got herself comfortable again.

 

##  _XOXO_

A few hours later Clarke felt a weight on her chest as she slowly started to wake up. She went to stretch but was unable too. Coming to her senses she looked down at what was keeping her in place. Lexa’s head rested on her chest, the blanket around them both, one of Lexa’s hands holding Clarke’s. Clarke didn’t give herself the opportunity to think about the position they had fallen asleep in.

 

It wasn’t until she made her way into the washroom that she realized the butterflies that had been floating around in her stomach and the way her hand still tingled from being held by Lexa’s. This wasn’t good and she knew it, she needed to shut it down, Lexa had been right. Emotions were weakness and she couldn’t afford to be weak, she couldn’t afford to be hurt again.

 

Ten minutes later she emerged from her bedroom in fresh clothes to see Lexa sitting up straight on the couch, still somewhat out of it. Leaning against the doorframe she couldn’t help but feel a little bad for how sick Lexa was.

 

“How did you save me?” She figured she’d try a new approach because asking her why wasn’t getting her any answers and she needed to understand. “You need your next round of antibiotics so I suggest you start talking.” Clarke had also come to realise that Lexa was her most emotionally open when she woke up, before the world got to her.

 

Lexa nodded, she knew that tone in Clarke’s voice and it was all business. “Once we got back to camp I doubled back, they weren’t expecting anyone to come back, least of all me. I slipped in through the reaper tunnels. The hallways were clear, I saw a few of the bodies and knew that it had been Octavia, the technique was very grounderesque if you will. I followed it to the dining hall. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get in that way so I remembered you and Bellamy talking about the vents.” Clarke was still leaning against the wall, arms folded, staring right at Lexa as she spoke. “I followed the sound of yelling through the vents and it led me right to where you all were. You were all chained to the walls. You were  lying strapped to the table. Emerson had a gun,” Clarke watched as Lexa tensed, her voice getting darker, “He had a gun pointed at your mother's head, holding her close to his chest as Cage spoke. Your head was bleeding badly and you looked like you could barely keep your eyes open. I can’t tell you what Cage was saying because I really wasn’t listening all I could see was the blood dripping down your head and onto the floor. Bellamy was on his knees, a gun pointed at the back of his head by one of the mountain men. I threw my knife at the guard before putting my sword through Emerson’s back. I put it right through his heart, though I wanted him to suffer I needed to make sure that he was dead, I wasn’t about to risk any more lives to watch him burn. As he went down I caught your before she hit the ground and laid her down gently as Cage looked at me with disgust and yelled about how I broke the truce, but in that moment he wasn’t my concern. He was nothing more than a power hungry lunatic, he wasn’t smart. I knew he wouldn’t get far so I focused on getting you free so that your mothercould help you. One of the other mountain men raised his gun and held it to your head. I froze momentarily as I reached for my dagger. He was yelling, your mother was yelling, everyone was yelling but all I could see was your lying there helpless so I took a chance. I figured I was quicker than him but if I wasn't, it was your life in the balance. I knew I couldn't miss, I couldn't fumble. As her continued to yell I took the opportunity and killed him.” Lexa looked down at her feet before looking up into Clarke's eyes. "I couldn't let him hurt you anymore than I already had."

 

“Was I still awake? When all this was happening because I don’t remember any of it.” Clarke stood still against the wall she had no idea how to process the information she had just gotten.

 

Lexa nodded. “Your eyes were open but I don’t think you were really there.”

 

“That’s why Octavia is better with you because you saved Bellamy.”

 

“Yes. You were right, her brother means more to her than anything. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you more. I never should have doubted you.”

 

It was Clarke’s turn to nod as she made her way over to the couch. She put her hand out to help Lexa up. “Let’s get you back to your room and get you your medication and something to eat.” Her tone was gentler again as she wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist, like the way she had when they were running from the pauna.

 

She got Lexa back to her room and back into bed. She moved around carefully as she set up Lexa’s next dose of medication. “I’m going to get them to bring you something to eat. I’ll be back later to check on you, okay?” Lexa nodded as Clarke began to leave.

 

“Thank you… Commander.” Lexa nodded, trying to hide the pain she felt every time Clarke called her Commander instead of by her name.

##  _XOXO_

“When she got back to Polis, I could tell something was different about her. It didn’t take long for me to figure out what it was. All she did was talk about Clarke of the Sky People. The fearless leader who was the smartest woman she had ever met. I took a little offense to that but when I met you I understood. She’s not the person you think she is, not completely.”

 

Clarke and Alexandria were in the middle of an intense chess game and Clarke couldn’t help but pick her brain about her grand daughter. “I don’t understand, in the three weeks I had spent with her she never really opened up that much.”

 

Alexandria let out one of her now signature laughs. “She did, you just didn’t realize it. Remember Clarke, everyone is different when you aren’t at war.”

 

The blonde smiled as she made her next move. “I should have known right away that you knew her. The way you say my name reminds me so much of her, she’s making it very hard for me to be mad at her.”

 

“I understand why you’re mad but remember that we all make mistakes. I’m not saying that Lexa made the right choice but believe me when I say she took a lot of slack for it but she trained to protect her people no matter how much it hurts her. She’s carried the weight of her decisions with her, but she was certainly right about one thing. If she was ever going to throw her leadership away, you’d be the woman to do it for.”

 

“She said that?” Alexandria nodded.

 

“But never let her know I told you that.”

 

“She barely knows me though, we barely know each other.”

 

Alexandria reached out and softly put her hand on top of Clarke’s. “She’s a very good judge of character and for what it’s worth for what I’ve seen I can see why she thinks so highly of you. No one has ever understood her the way you do, not even Costia. As angry as you are at her, a part of you understands her decisions and that has made you even more upset.”

 

There was a knock on the door before it opened. “Hi ladies, how’s the game?” Abby moved into the room, a big smile on her face.

 

“Very good, your daughter is far to wise for me though.”

 

Abby grinned. “She gets that from her father, I don’t have the patience. I come with good news. Your scans are clear so you should be able to go home tomorrow. You’re welcome to stay for as long as you want but medically I don’t have any more reason to keep you. Though I do suggest taking it very easy and having your healers watch you closely, just to be safe.”

 

“That’s great news!” Clarke said excitedly as she stood up from her chair and gave the woman a hug.

 

“It will be good to get home, but you have to promise you’ll all come and visit me in the capitol.”

 

Abby and Clarke both nodded. “Promise. I’ll go and tell Lexa, I’m sure she’ll want to know.” Smiling Clarke headed out of the room and down the hall.

 

“Does she realize she just said her name, happily?”

 

Abby shook her head ‘no’. “It’s a good sign though, maybe there’s hope for them yet. My daughter is nothing if not stubborn though.”

 

“Her heart aches, my grand daughter better hope she knows how to fix it.”

 

“She’s doing a pretty good job thus far.” Abby smiled as she explained to Alexandria how she found their family members curled up on the couch together, the TV still buzzing from being left on and their fingers entwined together.

 

**TBC….**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is now up to date on here so the updates will come much slower but hopefully not painfully slow. There's really no method to my updating madness as it generally depends on life and my daughter. I'm hoping to have an update within the next few days at the latest but please don't quote me on it.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hi, sorry, don’t meant to interrupt Jackson but could I speak to the Commander alone for a minute?"

 

He smiled as he started to immediately tidy up. "We’re all done here actually, she’s all yours. Thank you Commander." She offered him a small smile as he began his exit.

 

"Is everything okay?"

 

Clarke nodded. "Everything is fine, good actually. My mom says Alexandria can go home. I figured you’d want to know. I’m going to escort her back to the camp myself."

 

A large smile took over Lexa’s features. "That is good news and thank you for taking her back yourself, that isn’t necessary. Even though I know you’re doing it for her and not me, I still appreciate it."

 

"I’m going to miss her and our chess games, it’s the least I can do. Her and I are friends now or at least I like to think so." Lexa slowly sat up so she could see Clarke better since the blonde wouldn’t come near her.

 

"She really likes you Clarke. All she does is talk about you. I thought she used to talk a lot when I became Commander but now every time I see her it’s Clarke did this today. Clarke told me about life in the sky and showed me pictures of what it looked like. Did you know Clarke is a great chess player and she would have been a doctor if she stayed on the Ark." Lexa jokingly rolled her eyes and she could see some of the tension leave Clarke. "She has also taken to lecturing me about becoming more like you. I don’t see that stopping anytime soon."

 

Clarke let out a small laugh, a sound that Lexa wasn’t used to hearing when she was around. "Funny that’s how she talks to me about you. Little Lexa playing in a stream, trying to catch fish with her bare hands, oh she was so cute."

 

"She did not tell you about trying to fish with my hands?" Lexa cut off the blonde as she shook her head.

 

"Hope you got better at that."

 

Lexa raised an eyebrow with a smirk. "I’m great with my hands now."

 

Clarke felt the lump in her throat and tried hard not to take what Lexa had said in an inappropriate matter. "I’ve seen you throw a knife, it was pretty impressive."

 

"A compliment from Clarke of the sky people. Do my ears deceive me?" Lexa let out a cough causing Clarke to move closer to her bedside.

 

"You should not be this sick still!"

 

Lexa shook her head. "Don’t worry about me, tell me more about my grandmothers condition?"

 

"We’ll still have to monitor her off and on. She’ll have to come in for some check ups. She also has to take it really easy but as far as the infection is concerned, it seems to be gone."

 

The Commander laid back down. "I can’t thank you all enough for saving her. She’s all the family I have left. Please tell Abby that we’re more than even."

 

"I will. I’ll see about bringing her in before we leave somehow. If you want?" Lexa gave her a small nod before closing her eyes.

 

"My apologies Clarke, I’m very tired today."

 

"It’s okay, rest. I understand. I’ll try my best to bring Alexandria by before I take her home." Lexa’s eyes are closed as Clarke finishes the last of her sentence. She hates seeing someone as strong as Lexa so vulnerable. It helps her to understand why the other woman always acts the way she does. While Clarke finds her current state appealing, like saving an orphaned puppy from the pound, others would see it as weakness and take full of advantage of the opportunity. It’s also when she realizes that even though Lexa would do anything for her people, some of her people would do anything to hurt her.

 

　

A few hours later, Clarke walked Alexandria to Lexa’s room. The woman was barely awake but Clarke couldn’t help but notice the small smile that lit up her face at the sight of her grandmother. "How are you feeling my love?"

 

"I’m okay, you?" Lexa sat up and took her grandmothers hand into her own.

 

"I’m doing much better thanks to Clarke."

 

Clarke smiled. "Actually it was my mother but thank you."

 

"She’s going to take me back to camp and then Nyko will escort me back to Polis. Also don’t lie to your grandmother Lexa. Remember what I told you…"

 

Lexa nodded. "I may be the commander but you’re my grandmother and that makes you my commander." Alexandria grinned and Clarke could barely suppress her laugh. She had never seen Lexa back down from an argument.

 

"Good, now promise me you will let Abby help you and that if she or Clarke tell you anything you will follow their instructions? You do not need to be strong here, you simply need to rest. I will make sure everything is okay at home so you must not worry Lexa."

 

"Please be careful and if you even slightly do not feel well you must promise me that you will come back." Lexa’s tone was serious as she looked her grandmother in the eyes.

 

"I promise my love. Now rest. May we meet again." Alexandria looked over at Clarke and smiled. "Is that correct?"

 

Clarke grinned. "Yes it is."

 

"May we meet again." Lexa answered and Clarke could have sworn she heard her voice break. Or maybe that was her memory bringing her back to the last time she had heard Lexa speak those words.

 

_XOXO_

 

Hours later Clarke slowly entered Lexa’s room to find the other woman fast asleep. She thought about waking her to tell her that Alexandria had made it safely back to camp but ultimately decided that the news could wait. Especially since she had plans she needed to get ready for.

 

Ever since their world had calmed down the ‘kids’ of the Ark decided that it would be beneficial to make sure they had as much fun as they could. Especially since most of them had been through hell and back. The council had decided that this months big activity would be a dance, no chaperones, at least none in the room, as a way to let everyone let off a little steam.

 

An hour later, Clarke heard a knock on her apartment door and then, "Clarke, hurry the hell up. I can’t be standing here all day!" Another minute passed before she opened the door to an irritated Raven. "Thank god, you showered, otherwise I would have been standing here for nothing."

 

"Screw you Raven." They both laughed as Clarke closed and locked the door behind herself.

 

"I’m actually surprised you’re coming at all, with the Commander still being here and all. Surprised you aren’t being her personal nurse tonight."

 

"I wouldn’t miss Jasper and Monty trying to teach Lincoln how to dance for anything."

 

"How’s that going anyways? You and the Commander."

 

Clarke rolled her eyes as they got onto the elevator. "There’s nothing to go. We’re civil, her grandmother asked me to take care of her because she’s stubborn."

 

"Besides I’m not talking to you about it because you didn’t tell me what happened, you know with the Commander saving my life… our lives."

 

Raven shrugged. "Get over it princess, all of us have. It’s pretty clear she’s so into you."

 

"Whatever, I can’t wait until the music is drowning out your voice."

 

"Stop being so stubborn already and let the good ol' commander have her way with you."

 

Clarke stopped walking and turned to Raven. "Seriously?" She raised an eyebrow in an attempt to get her point across but all it seemed to do was amuse her friend even more.

 

"Seriously? Home girl wants a piece of you princess. God knows why since she probably has everyone in Polis wanting to get on that. Even I can tell you she’s hot, and I don’t even like her."

 

_XOXO_

 

It was getting rather late but Abby had instructed her to take a small walk, in hopes that getting her heart rate up would make her feel a little better. She told her to take it very slow and not to go too far. It was the sound of music that once again caught her attention. This time it was loud, really loud and her curiosity got the better of her.

 

As she walked towards the sound all she could think about was how she was a little bothered that Clarke hadn’t come by to tell her how her grandmother was doing. Then again, she knew it wasn’t fair for that to bother her. She wondered if Clarke would ever forgive her, even if it was just enough for them to be friends. If they were never anything else Lexa would be happy just to have Clarke there. For reasons unbeknownst to her she felt stronger when the blonde was around. Love, she thought, wasn’t weakness, not when the person you loved wasn’t weak.

 

The music was so loud as she stood outside the door that she could literally not think hear herself think. Opening the door she stepped inside to look around. The lights were dim which made it hard to scan the crowd. There were bodies everywhere but as dark as it was she could pinpoint the flash of blonde anywhere. In the middle of the room she saw blonde hair freshly done and pants that hugged hips in the most delicious of ways. It made Lexa’s head spin. The way she moved and the smile on her face made Lexa realize that Clarke wasn’t the same as she had been a couple short months ago. The weight of survival was no longer a heavy burden on her shoulders. The sight of her and Octavia dancing together made her glad she hadn’t killed the brunette when she wanted too.

 

She could have watched Clarke dance forever. For a small moment she wished she could have walked up to her, wrapped her arms around her waist and show her a thing or two about how to move. She imagined leaning down to kiss her neck gently as they danced and running her thumb over the woman’s hip. But instead she saw Clarke dance with Bellamy and then Miller, followed by someone she had never seen before take her hand and spin her around. She half expected Clarke to hit him but all she did was let out a laugh that Lexa was sure she had heard even over the music.

 

_XOXO_

 

"Why are you leaving? It’s still early?" Octavia whined as Clarke started to say goodbye to her friends.

 

"I had a long day, I’m exhausted. I can barely stand."

 

"Sounds like you just want to go visit your special patient." Bellamy laughed, earning him a laugh from Lincoln.

 

Clarke raised her middle finger at them as she made her exit. It really wasn’t because she wanted to check on Lexa, she really was exhausted from her trek through the woods. But she figured a quick stop in the infirmary wouldn’t hurt.

 

Her body was still buzzing from the music, she swore it wasn’t buzzing because of how cute Lexa looked curled up in bed in her sweats. A dazed look in her eyes, it made her eyes seem softer even from afar. Her hair was a mess of curls, not a single braid in sight. A small thought crept into her mind about running her fingers through it and how soft it would feel. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and let go of the thought as she stepped into the room.

 

"Hey, sorry to interrupt, I didn’t think you’d be awake. I came to check your chart." Lexa lazily turned her attention from the screen to Clarke. A dazed expression adorned her features. "You finally took the pain medication, that explains why you look drunk."

 

"You look very nice Clarke of the sky people. Way to nice for it to be wasted on any of the people around here." Without a second thought the commander turned her attention back to what she had been watching. Another minute passed. "You don’t have to appease my grandmother, your mother has taken good care of me."

 

"It’s not just to appease your grandmother, if nothing else, I owe you for saving my life."

 

"Can I ask you something Clarke?"

 

Clarke looked up from the papers in her hand to the woman lying in the bed. "Sure."

 

"Is my grandmother actually well or did you send her home to live out her days?" Clarke was sure she saw Lexa’s eyes well up with tears.

 

"She’s well. You don’t have to worry, I’m going to keep a close eye on her. She should be back home in Polis in a few days." The information seemed to satisfy Lexa as she once again she moved to get comfortable in the bed.

 

"Are you okay"?

 

"I’m fine."

 

"Get up, you’re coming with me. You can’t possibly feel better by lying in that thing."

 

Lexa attempted to get up but her mind was fuzzy. Clarke immediately steadied her by gently taking hold of her arm. "Where are we going?"

 

"My apartment, you can rest on the couch and finish watching your movie. I can see the pain you’re in from lying in that bed. I know how uncomfortable they are from personal experience."

 

_XOXO_

 

"Get comfortable here, I’m just going to go and change, I’ll be right back." Lexa nodded as the movie started to play even though all she could see was the small of Clarke’s back as she walked away and the way her pants clung to her hips. She was positive Clarke was an angel and she told herself to remember to tell her just that.

 

"See love is weakness, she should have killed him and won. Plus I can shoot a bow far better than she can. She wouldn’t last one day in the real world." Lexa ranted causing Clarke to raise an eyebrow at her. "What? It’s true, she can’t think logically, she runs on emotions alone."

 

"Not that, you being offended over how she uses her bow. It’s not real, it’s a movie commander."

 

"I know it’s not real because I would have had her killed. I would have even done it myself, with a bow and arrow just to prove a point. She is at least good looking."

 

Clarke couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips. "Let me get this right, you think she’s weak for loving Peeta and you’re a better shot than her but you still find her attractive?"

 

Lexa nodded. "Yes, I am not blind Clarke, I can admit when someone is appealing to the eye but not to worry she no where near as beautiful as you are. You are an angel that came down from heaven. Is that why they call you princess? Because you were a princess in heaven?"

 

If Clarke hadn’t been well aware of the medication her mother had prescribed the Commander Clarke probably would have made a few very smart remarks but the sight of the woman looking at her with such adoration she couldn’t bring herself to say anything of the sort. "They call me princess because in heaven I lived with a little more luxury than my friends because of my parents occupations. They call me that to poke fun at me."

 

"I can have them all killed, if you want. Or at least have their tongues be cut out." Never had Clarke heard anyone make threats sound sweet but here was Lexa, sitting on her couch making threats and sounding like the sweetest person she had ever met.

 

"That’s not necessary. Do you want to watch the second movie?"

 

Lexa nodded her head up and down a few times. "I would very much like that, though I do apologize if I fall asleep Clarke."

 

Sure enough part way through the movie Lexa’s head was leaning on Clarke’s shoulder. The blonde continued to watch the movie out of fear of waking the brunette even though her eyelids felt like they were five hundred pounds. Without meaning to she leaned her head against the top of Lexa’s as her eyes began to close.

 

"You really are an angel Clarke. The most beautiful, fierce angel that there has ever been. I could never let an angel die, especially not because of me. I knew you would go after your people so I made sure that part of the deal involved you. They were not to harm you or your people and the moment they did our agreement would end. I knew they wouldn’t keep their end of the bargain so I came back, I rode as fast as I could, the fear of being too late made my heart beat faster and faster the closer I got to the mountain. You’re special to me Clarke."

 

Without opening her eyes Clarke shifted so that they were once again lying together on the couch. "You mean to tell me that after all this time a little pain medication is all it took to make you tell me the truth."

 

"Mhmm. Did you know that I can still feel your lips on mine, sometimes if I try hard enough I can still feel how they tingled for days afterwards, it’s intoxicating. I don’t like how I can’t control what I’m saying right now, it’s just coming out. It is not very wise of me to continue speaking. I must try and fight the feeling to tell you everything a person could know about another."

 

"Shh, just rest. We’ll talk more if you still want later when you aren’t feeling out of control because I’m assuming that doesn’t happen to often."

 

Lexa held onto the Clarke’s waist, her fingertips ghosting over Clarke’s exposed skin just enough to make the blonde take a deep breath in order to calm the butterflies in her stomach.

 

"One day will you sing me the rest of the song you were singing when I interrupted you?"

 

"Sure." Was all Clarke could manage to say. As tired as she was she didn’t want to fall asleep because in this moment life seemed perfect. She knew Lexa’s memory would be foggy in the morning, it usually was when grounders took pain medication and with the dose her mother had given Lexa she was surprised the Commander could even form sentences. "One day I hope to show you how a beautiful girl is supposed to be danced with and maybe on that day you’ll hate me a little less."

 

"I don’t hate you Lexa. I could never truly hate you." Her body was too tired to process all the information Lexa had just given her but she was certain in the morning things would seem much more clear. For now all she knew was that Lexa’s hair was, in fact, as soft as she imagined it being.

**TBC…**

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite sure what this is but I do love me some fluff. Hope you like it and a quick thank you for all the love and feedback. Comments, kudos, bookmarks, no matter what it is, thank you so much!

 

 

Clarke woke up with a familiar weight on her chest. She stretched her arms out as a yawn escaped her. As she opened her eyes she saw the body on top of her slowly start to move. A small noise escaped the woman’s mouth as she too stretched a little before bringing her hand up to rub the sleep from her eyes. Even in the dim light of the TV Clarke could see how adorable the all-powerful Commander was.

 

It was in that moment that she realized that there was a difference between the Commander and Lexa. The Commander wanted nothing more than to protect her people even at the cost of her own wants and happiness. Where the Commander was calculating and somewhat cold, Lexa was warm and compassionate. In that moment it was hard for her to picture the woman lying on top of her with war paint on, a certain growl in her voice that was all business. She was still mad as all hell, but she was starting to see things a little more clearly.

 

Clarke was positive that Lexa would get up and move immediately when she found them lying in the same position they had fallen asleep in. But instead she looked up sleepily at her with a small smile before laying her head back down on Clarke’s chest and closing her eyes once more. “Guess I’m not getting up anytime soon.” She laughed to herself as she gently ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair. She was certain that the medication her mother had given their patient was still having lingering affects so she remained still, wanting the Commander to get as much rest as possible. All she could think about was the conversation she had had the day before with Alexandria.

 

#  _XOXO_

_There were making their way slowly through the forest. It wasn’t a long walk to camp but it was long enough considering what the older woman had recently gone through._

_“Tell me more about the Commander when she was little.” Clarke watched as a smile appeared on Alexandria’s face._

_“My little heda. She’s always been the same person. Hardheaded and stubborn but when she loves she loves completely. She used to try and heal the animals. Especially birds, she loves birds. She used to speak of wanting to fly but thankfully never attempted too. Her logical side has always had a strong presence. She used to love so deeply and everyone knew it. Which is why she is who she is now. She tried to change herself for her and that is what left her weak.”_

_“Well this conversation took a turn down an unexpected road.”_

_Alexandria let out a small laugh. “It is what you really wanted to know Clarke. I know you see my grand daughter for who she truly is. You may be mad at her for her choices but it is clear you understand her in ways Costia never had. Costia was a lovely woman but she was never the one meant for my Lexa. They grew up together, were very good friends but I never saw them as more than just that. Costia was weak, and I don’t mean weak physically but weak of mind. You are not.”_

_She stopped to face Clarke. “Are you trying to tell me you never liked Costia?”_

_“With my granddaughter, no.”_

_“But you approve of her and I?”_

_Alexandria nodded. “It is clear how you feel about her whether you realize it or not. You say you don’t but it is very clear that you do still trust her. Otherwise you never would have let her into your home, near your people. Regardless of my health. You wanted to know about Lexa so I will tell you. I will tell you that the way she speaks of you she has never spoken about another. Her eyes light up like when she was a little girl running around in the meadow in between training. I knew of you Clarke before I came into your home and not because of the stories everyone has now heard about the girl who burned 300 of our warriors. She would tell me about this girl she met, the girl from the sky. The one who makes her heart race. The one who makes it hard for her to think logically because all she wants to do is protect her. The one who doesn’t need protecting because she is a fierce warrior all on her own. The one who is both intelligent and wild. All she has done since her return is speak of you. Her decisions haunt her Clarke, which is why she having a hard time telling you what she really wants to. It is easier for her to have you be angry with her than to have you forgive her because she has not yet forgiven herself.”_

_Clarke was taken aback by what she had just heard as they started to walk once again. It took her a long while before she was able to find her voice. “Why me?”_

_Alexandria grinned from ear to ear as they reached the camps gates. “Because you balance her out and I happen to be quite fond of our chess matches.”_

_The blonde couldn’t help but laugh. She could definitely see where Lexa got her sense of humour. “Seriously?”_

_“As mad as you are, you have never tried to change her. You respect her for who she is, not who she could be. There are different sides to her that you haven’t seen but you have seen the worst in her yet you still care. Will you please make me a promise?”_

_Clarke nodded. “Of course, anything.” Her voice was hoarse and her mind processed what Alexandria had told her._

_“Take care of my little heda and promise that you’ll one day come to play chess in Polis.”_

_“That’s two promises but I promise, to both. I’ll be in Polis to keep an eye on you. Stubbornness runs in the family.”_

_“And yours as well.” The women hugged as Nyko came to escort Alexandria inside. “Be well Clarke of the sky people.”_

_XOXO_

It was another twenty minutes before Clarke moved. As comfortable as the couch was it was starting to hurt her back. She slowly slid out from under Lexa and made her way into the washroom to clean up. Ten minutes later she sat with her back against the couch near Lexa’s head. A cup of tea held between her hands, knees to her chest as she watched cartoons and occasionally she found herself watching Lexa instead of the TV.

 

“You didn’t leave this time.” The groggy voice was actually quite attractive in Clarke’s opinion.

 

She turned her hand and saw Lexa’s eyes, barely open, a small smile on her lips. “I am your doctor after all.”

 

“Good morning Clarke of the sky people.”

 

“Good morning Commander.” There it was again, the flash of pain that she saw in Lexa’s eyes every time she used the term rather than her name. Slowly Lexa started to sit up. Her head spinning slightly. She watched as Clarke stood up and went into the kitchen only to come back holding another mug. “How are you feeling?” She handed Lexa the mug as she sat down next to her.

 

“Foggy. I’m having trouble remembering everything that happened last night. I remember the big things, coming back here, watching the movie.” Clarke watched as a flash of what she could only assume was embarrassment cross over Lexa’s features. “Why didn’t you tell me to shof up?”

 

Clarke couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips. “It was endearing and you didn’t say anything bad.”

 

Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose before taking a sip of the tea. “I went on a ten minute rant about how I’m a better warrior than Katniss.”

 

“Actually it was more like twenty minutes, but aside from the bruised ego how are you feeling?”

 

“Still sore, but please no more drugs. Aside from that I think the sleep helped, I haven’t gotten any amount of solid sleep in what seems like years.”

 

“Glad I’m a comfortable pillow.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened slightly. “Clarke, did you let me sleep on you all night?”

 

“It’s not a big deal, especially since I was fast asleep myself.”

 

Lexa nodded as she focused her attention on the cup in her hands. “Why have you been so nice to me lately?”

 

“I made a promise.”

 

“Clarke, my grandmother is no longer here. You do not have to appease an old woman.” The raised eyebrow and pointed eyes were an expression Lexa had gotten used to from Clarke. “What? It’s true.”

 

“If she heard you call her old, she would probably beat you with your own knife and I keep my promises whether she is here or not. I also have a hard time being mad at someone who says I’m an angel from heaven.”

 

The appalled expression was enough to make Clarke almost cry from laughter. “I didn’t? Clarke…”

 

Clarke could barely breathe she was laughing so hard. “Oh but you did. I couldn’t make that up if I tried. I wasn’t aware the Commander was such a cinnamon bun.”

 

“A what?”

 

Clarke shook her head. “Never mind.” She continued to laugh. “Did you want something to eat?”

 

“I have a feeling that isn’t really a question.”

 

“You need to eat so your body has energy to fight what’s ailing it.”

 

“Please don’t take this the wrong way Clarke but I’m really not up for sitting in a room with a bunch of people who want to kill me.”

 

“I wasn’t talking about going to the mess hall. I was talking about me making something.”

 

Lexa looked up from her mug with a questioning expression. “You can cook?”

 

Clarke shrugged. “Not that well but I don’t think it’ll kill you. Plus we have the third and fourth movies to watch.”

 

“What about treatment?”

 

“Already taken care of. Jackson will be over shortly with the medicine. At least this way you aren’t stuck in a white room.”

 

“Won’t your friends be upset?”

 

Clarke shook her head as she made her way into the kitchen. “Right now I don’t give a fuck what they think.”

 

“I sense some hostility. You shouldn’t be mad at them Clarke, I’m the only one that should hold your anger. I asked them all not to tell you.”

 

“Oh I’m not mad at them for that. I’m mad at them for their smart-ass comments. Don’t you find it odd that none of them have come looking for me?”

 

It was then that it clued in to Lexa. “They actually want you spending time with me?”

 

“They do.”

 

Lexa leaned her head back against the couch. “You have a plan don’t you?”

 

“I plan on giving them exactly what they want. Or at least what they think they want.”

 

“And you’re going to use me to get back at them?”

 

Clarke came back out the kitchen with a laugh, plate in her hand. “You owe me at least that much.” Lexa’s expression showed how upset the statement had made her. Clarke had always been relatively good at reading the Commander but with her being ill the other woman couldn’t hide her emotions. “I don’t want to use you but if I can kill two birds with one stone I will.”

 

“Two birds?”

 

The blonde set the plate down on the table in front of the couch. “I get to piss them off and keep my promise to your grandmother, to take care of you. Now stop being so regal and eat your pancakes. This goes on top of them.” She set the syrup down next to the plate. “Trust me, it works.”

 

“I do trust you Clarke.” Lexa slowly leaned forward on the couch, put the syrup on top of the pancakes and took a bite. Her face lit up which Clarke took as a good sign. “These are pretty good. I may just stick around for them.”

 

Clarke let out a boisterous laugh, which caused the butterflies in Lexa’s stomach to erupt like a volcano. There was something about Clarke being happy that gave her the best possible goose bumps. The sound of her laugh was something Lexa was sure she would never forget. So instead of saying anything more, she listened to Clarke laugh as she walked back into the kitchen to get own plate.

 

When she came back into the room she sat down next to Lexa and turned the movie back on. Neither said much more after that as they watched the movie. Except every now and again Lexa would shake her had and make a barely audible disgusted noise at something one of the characters did. All Clarke could do was shake her head and laugh a little, she wasn’t sure what was more fun, watching the movie or watching Lexa watch the movie. Just as she was afraid of, it was getting increasingly more difficult to stay mad at the woman, especially when she looked so damn cute. If she hadn’t none better she would have never thought Lexa was the Commander of a vast army. She resembled more of an adorably attractive with that just so happened to have great posture and the more beautiful eyes Clarke had ever seen.

 

**TBC…**


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for taking forever to update. Life is busy when you have a 1 and a half year old to keep up with. I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it.

“Well well if it isn’t the princess herself. Decided to grace us with your presence have you?” Bellamy said through a grin as Clarke walked into the rec room.

 

“And you wonder why I haven’t wanted to see your ugly face in awhile.” The blonde fired back as she sat down next to Raven.

 

“How’s the ol’ commander doing?” Raven asked as she looked away from the tv.

 

Clarke shook her head with a roll of her eyes. “She’s alright. We can’t figure out why her body is having such a hard time fighting off the disease, the good news is that the treatments are keeping it at bay so she isn’t getting worse.”

 

“I was in with her yesterday and she’s going crazy!”

 

Clarke looked up as Octavia moved towards them and sat down on the other side of Raven. “You went to see her? Are you trying to kill her or something?”

 

“Ha, ha. No I’m not trying to kill her because then Indra would kill me and I’m not down for that. I went to see how she was, I know what it’s like to be kept in a room for long periods of time.”

 

“I saw her yesterday too, walking around. I almost didn’t recognize her.”

 

Clarke went wide eyed for a moment. “Tell me you did not hit on her?”

 

“I almost did until I realized who it was. I’m sure I would have been gutted like a fish had I even got close to her.”

 

“She doesn’t have her knife on her.”

 

Bellamy laughed at Clarke’s statement. “I wasn’t talking about her princess, I was talking about you. God knows no one is allowed to get close to your woman.”

 

“She is not my woman, thank you very much. Besides if you hit on her she’d have you killed before I even found out.”

 

#  _XOXO_

“How are you feeling today Lexa?”

 

“A little better, not quite as tired.”

 

Abby went about testing Lexa’s blood among other things as the Commander relaxed in the bed as best she could. It was getting harder and harder for her to sit still so she tried her best to calm her mind and not think too far ahead.

 

“Your levels are somewhat better from yesterday, I’m not entirely sure why. There was no difference in treatment. Did you do anything different today from yesterday?”

 

Lexa shook her head. “I don’t think so. Clarke made breakfast this morning and I slept better last night but that’s about it.”

 

“Hmm.” Was all Abby said before walking away with a confused look on her face.

 

#  _XOXO_

Three days later Clarke walked into the lab to see her mother hunched over the computer screen, a pad of scribbled notes sat next to her.

 

“What’s going on mom?” She asked as she moved next to her mother.

 

“Did Lexa spend the night at our place last night?”

 

Clarke’s cheeks immediately started to go hot. “Um, possibly, yes.”

 

“Hmm. And the night before?”

 

The blonde shook her head no. “No I had plans with Octavia and Harper.”

 

“Look at these numbers and tell me what you see?”

 

Clarke moved closer to the computer and looked over what her mother was talking about. “Why is there such a flux?”

 

Abby rubbed her forehead. “I don’t understand why or how but from what I’ve seen nights that Lexa spends away from that room, the next day her levels are better. It makes no sense.”

 

“Have you ever slept in one of those beds mom? Because they’re terrible.”

 

“Can’t say that I have. Just keep your eye on her please Clarke.”

 

Clarke nodded. “I will.

 

“And Clarke?”

 

She stopped and turned back to look at her mother. “Yeah.”

 

“How have your nightmares been?”

 

“Coming and going.”

 

“Maybe we can try sleeping in bed then, rather than on the couch?”

 

Clarke let out a laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

“And have fun tonight, you deserve it.” Her mother offered her a smile before she turned around once again.

 

As she left the lab all she could think about was what her mother had asked her about her nightmares. It had been something she had been thinking about for a few days. For some reason she didn’t seem to have them whenever she slept with Lexa around. Whether they fell asleep on the couch or she fell asleep next to Lexa’s bed. If she tried to sleep on her own she was finding that she barely got any sleep at all. She couldn’t understand why that was but she was thankful for it.

 

#  _XOXO_

Later that night as Lexa went on her walk her ears were yet again filled with the sound of loud music. As she followed the sound of the noise she saw that the lights were dim in the room. She stood and watched as everyone in the room danced, and drank. She had to admit she was a little envious of them. She had never really been able to indulge in such a manner. She was called to lead her people before she was really of age to party as the sky people liked to call it.

 

She leaned against the doorframe as her eyes began to search the room for one person in particular. It didn’t take long to find her and it looked as though she was having fun. “You should go in, it’s a birthday party.” Lexa shook her head no as Abby spoke beside her. “Come with me.”

 

This time Lexa nodded as she followed Abby back to her room where there was an assortment of clothes lying on her bed. “Change, and then go relax. Take it easy and be careful but relax. I need to test a theory and it’ll only work if you follow your doctors orders.”

 

“What theory is that?”

 

“There’s a constant flux in your levels. When you’re relaxed, you get stronger, when you stress the infection seems to take control.”

 

“How is that possible?”

 

Abby shrugged. “I’m not sure, it’s still a theory but it’s the best that I have. Your body isn’t reacting the way your grandmother’s did or any of the other grounders. But with you being the Commander I’m sure you have a lot more to worry about than the average person. Try and have some fun, take it easy but enjoy yourself.”

 

“The way I enjoy myself you wouldn’t approve of.” Lexa grinned slightly her eyes wandering again. When she didn’t hear Abby respond she looked over at the woman who had a scared look on her face and then it clicked. “Oh, no. I’m sorry Abby not like that. My kind of fun is leading my army into battle. The thrill of the fight.”

 

Abby let out the breath she had been holding and nodded. “Sorry I shouldn’t have assumed you meant… that.”

 

“It’s quite alright Abby but I’m not that kind of girl, let alone that type of commander. I guess I should go and change so we can test this theory of yours. The sooner I’m out of here, the better. No offense, I just hate being confined.”

 

Abby smiled and rubbed Lexa’s arm. “I understand. You and Clarke are very much a like in that respect. She was telling me just this morning how you must be going crazy.”

 

Lexa nodded. “I think I have a little more self control than she does though. I have yet to escape and jump out of a dam.”

 

The older woman let out a small laugh. “She’s nothing if not committed.”

 

With her hands before her back, posture straighter than it had been in the past little while Abby watched as Lexa walked away to shower. She was genuinely curious if her theory had any real weight to it but if anything else she figured it would be a good idea for Lexa to embrace something other than war.

 

#  _XOXO_

A half hour later Abby walked into Lexa’s room before almost turning around and walking out right back out. At first glance she thought she had walked into the wrong room as she saw Lexa standing with her back to her. “Are you ready to go?”

 

Once again Abby was shocked was Lexa turned around. The medical gown didn’t do her any justice and Abby realized that she really was looking at a young woman. “I’m just going to attach this to your chest, it shouldn’t be heavy or uncomfortable but it will allow me to monitor your heart.” Lexa nodded as Abby attached the small device to her chest just under her collarbone. “Okay, everything seems to be reading clearly. Try and have some fun, but like I said take it easy. I’ll fill you in on everything tomorrow.” Lexa nodded as she started to make her way out of the room. “Oh and Lexa,” she looked back at her doctor expecting her to need to adjust a wire or something, “you look very nice.”

 

“Thank you, Abby.”

 

 

Lexa took her time walking back to the party. She had to admit that she was a little nervous, more so than she ever was going into battle. As she stood outside the door once more, she took a deep breath before pushing it open. She figured people would recognize her and stare the moment they saw someone walk in but everyone continued to go about what they were doing.

 

#  _XOXO_

 

“Holy shit, who is that? Is she from the Ark?” Jasper’s mouth was on the floor, the lights making it hard to tell who had really just walked in.

 

“For once I have to agree with you man, she’s pretty alright?”

 

Clarke and Octavia turned their attention towards the door. The girl was slender and somewhat on the tall side. Her long wavy hair cascaded down her back and over shoulders. The way she moved and walked with confidence even though it was clear she was entirely unsure of herself as she took in the surroundings.

 

“What are you all staring at?” Lincoln asked as he came back and handed Octavia her drink.

 

“Hot girl.” Jasper leaned over and whispered in his ear as his attention went back to the woman that was coming towards them. Lincoln let out a laugh and shook his head. “What’s so funny?”

 

“You’re about to find out.” He whispered back to Jasper as Clarke’s eyes finally left the woman as she went back to dancing.

 

“Clarke, she’s coming over here. I swear if you’re not gonna get with our fearless hot commander you better at least make a play at her. Jasper’s right why do you have that smug look on your face like you know something I don’t.” Octavia yelled over the music at her boyfriend as the woman continued to get closer.

 

For her part Clarke decided that tonight she was going to let loose and try to relax so whomever the woman was would have to wait until morning. Beautiful or not. It wasn’t as though Lexa being trapped in her room was on her mind, it was just that it absolutely was. As much fun as she was trying to have, her mind kept wishing it was curled up in bed with Lexa and that infuriated her at some level. The last thing she wanted to do was be close to Lexa once again, she agreed to keep an eye on her but that line was becoming blurry. In truth she was starting to think that it had and always would be.

 

“Holy fuck!” Was all that came out of Octavia’s mouth as the woman was close enough so that she could see her. The lights no longer concealing the woman’s identity. “You’re gorgeous!” Lincoln burst out into a fit of laughter as Bellamy and Jasper stood wide eyed at the woman they had just been drooling over. “By the way you caught the boys attention.

“O who are you…” Clark trailed off and she turned around to see who Octavia was talking to. “You?…but?… Beautiful.” Were the only words that Clarke could come up with as she took in Lexa’s appearance. What struck her most of all however wasn’t what she was wearing or how perfect her curly mane was. No, it was how soft her eyes were, especially from their usual tough exterior.

 

“Doctors orders. Your mom wanted to test some theories so we’ll just have to wait and see. In the meantime can I get you a drink?” There, Lexa thought, that wasn’t so hard.

 

“I’d love one. Thanks.” Clarke smiled, she stood frozen in place because if her legs moved like she willed them to she was positive she’d end up doing something she’d regret.

 

Looking away from Clarke she said her polite hello’s before walking away to figure out just where the beverages were.

 

“I just thought the commander was a total babe!” Bellamy shook his head, expecting for the cobwebs to fall out and give him his vision back.

 

“Eyes off Clarke’s woman or she may kill you big brother and I wouldn’t blame her cause damn.”

 

“I’m not dreaming right, that is Lexa?” Clarke asked as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. “You never told her she looked like that when she wasn’t dressed as the Commander.” She looked at Lincoln with a raised expression like it was his fault her stomach was currently in her throat.

 

He simply laughed and shook his head with a smile. “There’s a reason why people are so keen to do as she says and it’s not only because she’s ruthless. Strength and beauty Clarke, two very powerful forms of persuasion.”

 

After a few minutes Lexa walked back over to the group of friends who had barely been able to regain their senses. She smiled as she handed Clarke the cup. “I could only find the red juice.” She held out one cup to Clarke as she went to take a sip of her own.

 

“No, don’t drink that!” Clarke shouted over the music, her hand reaching out to touch Lexa’s. Electricity running through the both the moment their hands connected. “Monty spiked it with alcohol.”

 

Lexa nodded and handed the cup out to Octavia who gladly took it. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you all looked like you were enjoying yourselves before I came over.” Lexa said as she realized the group had stopped dancing.

 

“You’re fine Commander, everyone was just a little shocked to see you out of…uniform.” Lincoln smiled knowing that the woman would understand what he meant.

 

“That’s right I suppose none of you have ever seen this side of me before.”

 

“Girl you should dress like that more often. Who needs a sword when you look like that.” Raven joked.

 

“Thank you, Raven.” The girl nodded before turning her attention back to Wick.

 

“Come on, let’s go sit down.” Clarke took a hold of Lexa’s hand and walked them over to a couch as her friends went back to dancing.

 

“Are you drunk Clarke? Your face is a little flushed.”

 

Clarke laughed. She wasn’t drunk but she was certainly feeling good. “No I’m good. How can you even see that in this light?”

 

“I’m perceptive but I really didn’t mean to take you from your friends. You deserve to have fun.”

 

Clarke shook her head as she had another sip of her drink. “To be honest, my feet are killing me. I needed to sit down and if you hadn’t shown up they wouldn’t have let me.”

 

Lexa laughed and Clarke could swear she saw her foot tapping the floor in time with the beat. “I’m glad to have saved your feet then.”

 

“I like you like this.” Clarke realized as she saw Lexa slump against the couch. She had never really seen her slump before, not even in her sleep. “Maybe you are a real person like your grandmother said after all.”

 

“It’s a party Clarke, and I don’t feel great so slumping it is.” Her smile is wide and it lights up the whole room, or at least it does in Clarke’s eyes.

 

Ten minutes later, Clarke downed the rest of her drink and noticed that Lexa’s head was moving slightly to the sound of the beat. “Do you like this song?” She asked leaning over to speak into Lexa’s ear.

 

“It’s not bad.” It was Clarke’s turn to smile, she knew that in Lexa terms that meant the woman did like it.

 

Standing up she turned and faced the woman still sitting on the couch and put her hand on. “Come on, I’ll show you how to dance. It’s the least I can do since you did get me a drink.”

 

“I did nothing but pour you a glass Clarke.”

 

Rolling her eyes with a shake of her head the blonde leaned down and grabbed a hold of Lexa’s hand, dragging her across the room. Back to where her friends were still standing. “Follow my lead and you’ll be fine.”

 

As soon as Clarke and Lexa made their way back to the group in the middle of the dance floor, Octavia started to sing the words on the song at Clarke who mouthed them right back. Lexa tried to follow what little dancing Lincoln and Bellamy were doing. Her headed nodded to the beat of the music and she slowly moved her feet in time to the music.

 

“Come on you can do better than that Commander.” Clarke joked as she turned around and once again took hold of Lexa’s hand causing the woman to start to move with her. “See you’re a natural.”

 

Lexa shook her head and leaned forward. “I was in a relationship once Clarke, I didn’t get the girl by having the personality of a stone.”

 

“By all means, show me how it’s done then.”

 

Lexa laughed for the second time that night, and it took everyone off guard, no one had really ever seen her this way before but Clarke was loving it. Never one to back down from a challenge Lexa started to sway her hips to the rhythm. The way her hips were moving and the way her hair bounced as she moved make Clarke gulp. “Who knew Commander uptight had some moves.” Raven whispered into Clarke’s ear.

 

Her reward was a small smirk that played over the blonde’s lips. “Certainly not me.”

 

“Someone is definitely going to need a cold shower.” Bellamy said into her other ear.

 

“Don’t be so jealous Bellamy, I can’t help that she’s dancing with me and not you.” Clarke grinned from ear to ear and it was all Lexa could see though she had no idea what had caused her to do so but she liked it regardless of the why.

 

#  _XOXO_

 

After an hour and half Lexa was getting increasingly more tired and decided to call it a night. She would admit she had had fun. It had been a long while since she had enjoyed herself like, for a brief moment in time she vaguely remembered what it was like to be young and free and not bound by an oath to protect her people. Clarke had walked her back to her room before heading back to the party. Lexa only wished that she was feeling well enough to stay longer, she wanted to really show Clarke just how good of a dancer she was but she figured that would have to wait until she was feeling better, if she ever did get the chance again.

 

She was slowly drifting off to sleep when she heard the door to her room open. In the dim light she saw blonde hair move towards. She tried to rub the sleep from her eyes as she felt someone next down next to her.

 

“Clarke?” She asked in a raspy tone that made Clarke’s heart speed up.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, actually I kind of did. I’m a little drunk and I need to ask you something.” Lexa sat up with Clarke’s help. She nodded with a yawn causing Clarke to smile. “You’re beautiful.”

 

“That’s not a question Clarke.”

 

Clarke shook her head with a slight laugh. “That’s not my question, that’s an observation. I mean I’ve always thought you were beautiful but tonight, wow. I almost killed Bellamy for looking at you the way her did. Anyways, I was wondering if you were up for a movie?”

 

“Right now?”

 

“I know it’s late but I can’t sleep and well everyone else is passed out and I don’t want to know what Octavia and Lincoln are up to but I just really want to watch a movie with you.”

 

“Is this the drinks talking?”

 

“Maybe, maybe it’s something they used to call liquid courage.”

 

“You don’t like me Clarke, you’ve done more than enough to keep your promise to my grandmother.”

 

Clarke took a hold of Lexa’s hand and tangled their fingers together. “Little secret, I don’t hate you. I try and fail miserably, every time but I am still mad at you. But I can never seem to look away from your eyes, they’re so warm, like the way the leaves on the tree sparkle in the first light of morning.”

 

“I didn’t know you were a poet Clarke.”

 

“I’m drunk.”

 

Lexa let out a laugh, this was a much different side of drunk Clarke and she happened to find it entirely endearing. “Let’s watch that movie then.” Lexa went to move over on her bed but Clarke shook her head no.

 

“My place?”

 

Nodding Lexa pulled the covers back and Clarke had to take a deep breath to control herself. She was wearing her sweat pants and the hem of her shirt had ridden up just high enough to expose prominent hipbones.

 

#  _XOXO_

Once they got back to Clarke’s Lexa took a seat on the couch, it had become sort of a habit. “Not tonight. Follow me.” Lexa’s brow furrowed as she watched Clarke move towards her room. Getting up she slowly made her way down the hall trying to brace herself for whatever was going to come next. One thing she had learned was that a drunken Clarke was unpredictable.

 

When she reached Clarke’s bedroom door she leaned against the doorframe as she watched Clarke stand in front of her bed and take her pants off before climbing into her bed. Lexa was positive that the heat had got turned on because she was suddenly burning up. “What are you waiting for? Come here and cuddle.”

 

All Lexa could do was nod as her feet moved towards the bed and climbed in next to Clarke. Immediately she felt warm arms wrap around her waist as Clarke turned on the monitor in front of them. “I know I usually like to watch movies with a lot of action but right now I’m in the mood for a chick flick.”

 

“A chick flick?” Lexa questioned as her hands absentmindedly rubbed up and down Clarke’s back.

 

“A romantic movie.”

 

“Whatever you wish to watch Clarke.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes as she leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “I like when you say my name like that but shh, it’s a secret.” Lexa could feel the smile on Clarke’s face and she was glad that the other woman’s eyes were closed so she couldn’t see the smile that took over her own face.

 

An hour into the movie Clarke lifted her head off of Lexa’s shoulder and noticed the small smile that was playing across the woman’s lips as she watched the movie. “You totally like this.”

 

“Hmm?” Lexa looked over at Clarke, the small smile still apparent.

 

“You like this movie?”

 

Lexa nodded. “What is there not to like, everyone needs hope Clarke.”

 

“Yeah, I know, you’ve said that before but I just always picture you as the strong silent type.”

“I believe in love Clarke, that’s why I think it’s weakness. It always gets me into trouble, that does not mean I do not wish for others to have it.”

 

“Do you still think about her?”

 

Lexa looked back at the screen. “I do. When I am down on myself, when I have to make tough choices. She didn’t always understand my choices but she always supported me because she knew that I wasn’t just a Commander even though I’d have everyone believe that’s all I am.”

 

“It’s hard to hide from someone who’s known you a long time.” Lexa nodded as Clarke’s grip around her waist tightened slightly. “I can see why she was in love with you but I think being the Commander is what makes you, you.”

 

“Thank you, Clarke. That means a great deal to me.”

 

“You’re a romantic at heart aren’t you?” Lexa looked back from the movie to Clarke who had her head rest on her hand. Her hair fell over she shoulders on one side and Lexa was thankful that she was still feeling weak because she wasn’t sure that she would have been able to control herself if she wasn’t.

 

“You musn’t be so mesmerizing Clarke.” Their eyes locked and Lexa felt her chest tighten, unable to tear her eyes away from the woman lying next to her.

 

“I didn’t wake you up to watch a movie.” Clarke’s voice was barely above a whisper.

 

“Oh?”

 

“I’ve been having nightmares for a long time now and they only seem to stop when I sleep next to you.”

 

“Nightmares of what?” Clarke was somewhat shocked at how soft Lexa’s voice was.

 

“You leaving, Finn dying, my father’s death. The people I’ve killed, that I’m destined to fail.”

 

Without thinking Lexa reached up and brushed her thumb over Clarke’s cheek. “I know you don’t trust me Clarke but please believe me when I say that you are destined for greatness. I see so much of myself in you, the person I was before I shut down. The way you love is inspiring, and I don’t mean just about people but the way you love everything you touch and see. It’s inspiring, you are inspiring. I’m sorry that I have played a part in your nightmares. I never wanted to cause you pain, though I know I have. I do not deserve your forgiveness and I will not ask for it but know that hurting you was never in my plans.”

 

Clarke nodded, she was captivated by the way Lexa was speaking and things she was saying. “When I think about it, my lips still tingle too.” Lexa looked confused. “You said when you think about us kissing that you can still feel your lips tingle. I feel that way too and I’m not saying that because I’m drunk, I’m saying it because it’s true.” The way they were looking at each other made Lexa want to close the small distance between them but she knew this wasn’t the time. “Will you just hold me tonight? Like the pain of the past doesn’t exist?”

 

Lexa nodded as Clarke laid her head back down on her chest. “You were the beautiful one tonight Clarke. The light inside you brightens up any darkened place.”

 

“Your good with your words.”

 

“Maybe we should write our own chick flick.”

 

Clarke laughed sleepily. “Maybe we should and for the record, thank you for keeping the nightmares at bay.”

 

“It’s my pleasure Clarke.”

 

Around the same time that the movie ended both women found themselves fast asleep. Tangled under the sheets with one another. Each of them helping the other to heal.


	13. Chapter 13

"Holy shit. Why am I not wearing pants?" Clarke cursed herself as she woke up.

"You took them off and climbed into bed. I think you mumbled something about it being too hot." Lexa let out with a rasp as she started to wake up before letting out a yawn.

"What is that, on your chest?" The blonde asked as she took in the small device Abby had put there before the party.

"Your mothers way of checking her theory about my health."

Clarke nodded as she reached up and softly touched the small piece of metal attached to Lexa’s chest. "Does it hurt?"

"No it doesn’t. I promise Clarke, it doesn’t hurt."

"Good, because I know how stubborn you are and I’m still not wearing pants so I should probably put some on."

"Or not." Lexa didn’t think as she let the words slip from her lips. "I mean, I’ll just get up so that you can enjoy your morning."

Clarke’s cheeks were a little read as she took in the Commander. "Did you just flirt with me?"

"I’m going to go with yes?"

"Interesting."

"I’m sorry if…" Lexa began to apologize before Clarke cut her off by putting her hand up.

"Don’t apologize. It should be me flirting though, since I’m the one with a hot girl in my bed."

They both let out a small laugh at the cheesiness of the line. "I think you’re flirting needs some work Clarke."

"My flirting is great thank you. I got you into my bed, not the other way around."

Lexa looked around the room. "It does seem that way doesn’t it. But I should probably get up and head back to my room so that Abby can talk to me about whatever results this little thing gave her."

Clarke nodded as Lexa slipped out from under the blankets. "I’ll be by later to hear about it, after I take a shower and put some pants on."

"Thank you for the movie Clarke and the lack of pants."

"Next time we’ll have a no pants party." Clarke winked. "I’ll see you later?"

Lexa smiled at the thought and gave Clarke a curt nod. "Enjoy your shower Clarke." She was about to close Clarke’s bedroom door when she stopped and turned around. "And you couldn’t handle a no pants party with me." She didn’t wait to see the smile that appeared on Clarke’s face. Two could play the flirtatious game.

**XOXO**

"You woke up in bed with her, with no pants on?" Raven laughed as they sat eating pancakes.

"Who let me drink that much?"

Raven shook her head. "You weren’t that drunk. You were just drunk enough to want to get it on with the Commander."

"Who says I have to be drunk to want that." Raven almost choked on her pancake as she looked up at Clarke only to see the girl ready to burst out laughing.

"You say that as a joke but we all know it’s true Griffin." Clarke shrugged. "Seriously you’d be crazy not to, that girl is attractive. Even I can say that and I barely like her."

"Yeah about that, why have you been so nice to her. I haven’t heard you mutter a single death threat."

Raven put her fork down and looked at Clarke seriously. "She didn’t just say you, she saved all of us. Clarke the way she looks at you, I’ve never seen anyone look at someone that way. So I’m not a fan of her personally but who she is with you is entirely different than who she is with everyone else. She opens up to you and you open up to her. The fact you haven’t had a single nightmare lately means something. So I won’t kill her because that would kill you. Plus her grandmother is bad ass!"

"I’m still mad at her for what she did."

"Angry make up sex, all I’m going to say Clarke."

**XOXO**

"How are you feeling?" Abby asked as she moved towards Lexa’s bed.

"Tired, but okay. What were the results?"

Abby laughed as she set her clipboard down on the bedside table. "I think my theory may be correct. I’m not sure why but when are you held up in this room, you must be more relaxed which allows the medicine to do what we need it to."

"I don’t understand why it’s just doing this with me. Why did my grandmother not have an issue?"

"Stress. Your grandmother wasn’t worried when she was in here. She actually seemed to enjoy herself a little bit."

"So what you’re saying is that I need to try and not stress in order for the medicine to work?"

Abby nodded. "That’s what I’m saying, so for starters I’m going to get you out of this room and into a guest apartment. We’ll still have to monitor you but I’m hoping it will be a little more comfortable. I’ve also arranged a meeting with your generals. I thought that might help ease your mind as well. They’ll be here later today."

"Thank you, that would make me feel better."

Abby opened a drawer in the room and pulled out Lexa’s clothing. "I had these washed for you. I assumed that you wouldn’t want to meet with your generals in sweat pants."

"That was very kind of you Abby."

"I’m going to keep monitoring you though, I want to be absolutely certain that my theory is correct but we’ll hopefully have you home sooner rather than later."

With that the woman left Lexa to her own thoughts. A part of her was happy to hear the news that she was feeling better but a bigger part of her was saddened because she knew that it meant that she would have to leave. Her had been without her for too long and she could only rely on her generals for short periods of time. She knew that without her the alliance would crumble and that was not a fate she wanted to see happen. Even at the cost of having to leave Clarke. The thought hurt her more than she cared to admit.

**XOXO**

"Hey mom, I’m looking for Lexa she wasn’t in her room."

"She’s in a meeting with her generals." Abby noted the questioning look on her daughters face. "I called them for her. It seems as though when her body is stressed it blocks the medication from working. I haven’t figured out why yet but the more we can keep her from stressing the sooner her healing process will be."

"That’s good, great actually. I’m glad you figured out what was wrong." She tried to smile, she really did. She should be happy that Lexa was leaving, she was angry with her, she didn’t trust her. Or maybe she wasn’t angry and maybe, just maybe she did trust her.

"You two have been getting close again. I think she’s spent more nights at our place than she has in her room."

Clarke’s cheeks turned a little red. "Sorry, I hope that’s okay. Like I said, being stuck in a white room isn’t fun."

"Don’t apologize Clarke, whatever you’re doing is working, just be careful."

"I’m still mad at you for not telling me what she did. She nearly got herself killed saving me, saving us."

"It wasn’t for me to tell you."

Clarke looked up from the spot on the floor she had been staring at. "You still should have told me, maybe then she wouldn’t have gotten so sick because I wouldn’t have been so mad. When we were waiting for the doors to open she asked me to go to Polis with her and then when the doors closed all I could think about was her dying."

"It’s not your fault Clarke, but you’re both fixing it now. That’s what matters."

Clarke took a deep breath, "I’m going to go hang out with everyone, I’ll see you later."

**XOXO**

Lexa’s meeting had gone well. It did good for her generals to see her health increasing. Thankfully everything was as it had been when she first got sick and there were no immediate threats that she had to worry about. She figured Abby was aware of that though because she was positive the doctor would have never agreed to the meeting if it were going to cause her stress.

She had just finished another round of her treatment and Jackson was showing her to her new room. "Really, this one?" He nodded with a smile.

"I thought you it might make your trips less strenuous."

"Does Abby know?"

He shook his head no. "She told me to get you a room, she didn’t say where, this one happened to be free."

"Thank you, Jackson."

"My pleasure Commander."

**XOXO**

Two hours later Lexa woke from her nap. She hadn’t realized just how uncomfortable the bed she had been laying in was until she laid down in her new bed. She fell asleep almost immediately and only woke when she heard the soft sound coming from her new neighbour. Smiling she got up with a stretch and walked out into the hall.

Her neighbour’s door was open slightly and she could barely see blonde hair but she could hear the soft strum of the guitar and Clarke’s voice. She moved a step further into the apartment, and watched Clarke play. She stayed quite until the strumming stopped.

"You’re very good at that Clarke, do you think you could teach me?"

Somewhat startled Clarke turned around in a flash of blonde hair. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a meeting with your generals?"

Lexa smiled. "That was hours ago Clarke, we don’t have that much to talk about right now. I actually just woke up from a nap. Your mother and Jackson moved me out of the infirmary. No more white walls, thankfully."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, how are you feeling?"

Clarke looked down at herself and then back up at Lexa. "Clothed, but good."

"I much prefer you without your pants on, your much wilder."

Lexa watched as Clarke leaned her head back and laughed. "You must be feeling better, you keep flirting."

"Is that a problem Clarke?"

The blonde shook her head. "Careful Commander, this may be a war you can’t win."

"Maybe I don’t want to win." She said as she moved closer to Clarke. "Maybe losing actually winning after all.

Clarke took a deep breath and stepped back slightly. Lexa was intoxicating and she was having a hard time keeping herself in check. "Sit, I’ll teach you how to play."

"Are you sure?"

Clarke smiled as she moved so that Lexa could sit down next to her. "Here, hold it like this." She put the guitar on Lexa’s lap and helped her move her hands around the neck. "Just let it rest on your lap comfortably." A pause. "Like that." Lexa looked up to find the blonde smiling back at her. "Hold your fingers here, you have to push down pretty hard to get them to stay." Once again she reached up and put each of Lexa’s fingers where they needed to be. "Now take this," she handed her the pick, "and strum the strings down wards."

Lexa did as she was told even though she was pretty sure she didn’t push down quite hard enough. "I think I may leave anything artistic to you. I’ll go back to using a knife."

Clarke and shook her head. "Not so fast. Don’t be a quitter."

"I never quit." They shared a look, and Lexa was sure Clarke was going to make a sarcastic comment but it never came. Instead she got up and sat just behind her. She leaned over Lexa’s shoulder, her one arm reaching around to hold the wrist of Lexa’s strumming hand, her other hand reached up and wrapped around Lexa’s fingers. Holding them in place where they needed to be. Clarke helped Lexa move the pick down the strings.

"There you go. Then change your fingers, like this." The feel of Clarke’s warm breath on her neck made it hard for Lexa to focus. She felt like her voice was caught in her throat and all she wanted to do was turn her head that last little bit and remind herself what it felt like to kiss the woman sitting behind her. "You really aren’t that great at this, I think you should stick to knife throwing."

"I saved your life with my knife throwing, thank you."

"That you did. So you gonna show me this new place of yours?

Lexa thought for a moment. "Only if you bring the guitar and play something."

"Lead the way." Clarke stood up and Lexa instantly missed the warmth of having the other girl so close. Once the blonde was in front of her again she passed her the guitar before standing up herself.

She walked towards the still open door and stepped out, waiting for Clarke to catch up. She moved the three steps to her door and motioned for Clarke to step inside. "This is your new room? How did you manage that?"

Lexa let out a soft laugh. "Jackson. I had nothing to do with it."

"He’s such a smart ass." Clarke mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. Not bad, I like what you’ve done with the place."

"Always so funny Clarke but the bed is much more comfortable."

Clarke grinned. "That’s me, I take it things went well with your generals?"

"They did, yes. Everything is as it should be. Now stop stalling and play."

"Fine. But you owe me a movie in this new comfy bed of yours."

Lexa smiled. "That can be arranged."

Clarke started to strum absentmindedly but it still captivated Lexa’s attention. "I’ll wait, I’ll wait. I’ll love you like you’ve never felt the pain. I’ll wait; I promise you don’t have to be afraid. I’ll wait; love is here and here to stay. So lay your head on me. Little do you know I know you’re hurting while I’m sound asleep. Little do you know my mistakes are slowly drowning me. Little do you know I’m trying to make it better piece by piece. Little do you know I’ll love you til the sun dies."

Clarke stopped strumming and looked up at Lexa who had a shocked expression on her face. "Wow."

"You asked, I figured I’d at least play you the rest of it."

"You are, I mean that was, incredible. Thank you for playing it for me Clarke." Her voice was raspy and she had to swallow the lump in her throat."

All Clarke could do was smile sheepishly. The way Lexa was looking at her was something she had never really felt before. It made her feel like she could do anything, be anything, accomplish anything. "It hurt me, when you left. You left me standing there, alone and it hurt. I trusted you and not just with my people but with my heart."

Lexa nodded, unsure of what to say. "I know and I’m sorry. I will do everything in my power until the day my soul leaves my body to make you understand how sorry I am. If it takes a lifetime for you to trust me again, I will wait for as long as it takes. And if you never do then I will still do my best to prove myself."

The moment was tense, too tense for both of them. They were great at dealing with war and saving others but when it came to themselves they were severely lacking.

**XOXO**

A week later Clarke woke up to an empty bed. She reached her hand out and touched the sheets where Lexa had been lying when they had originally gone to bed. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and threw on her favourite sweater. She had a feeling she knew exactly where the other woman had gone.

She quietly made her way up to the roof of the mountain. The further up the stairs she got the more she could hear the sound of rain coming down outside. Sure enough once she opened the doors she saw that it was pouring down rain. Bolts of lighting were booming in the distance. The morning sun was attempting to rise underneath the shadow of the dark clouds. Sure enough, at the edge of the roof, Lexa sat looking out into the woods. She must have heard the sound of the door closing because she turned around and looked right at Clarke before turning around once again.

"What are you doing out here? You’re going to get sicker." Clarke yelled over the sound of the rain. "Lexa, come inside it’s pouring."

She could faintly see the woman’s head shake. "I like it, have you ever really seen a thunderstorm before Clarke?" Finally she stood up and looked back again.

"This would be my first."

"Then you should enjoy it. I find it calming, something so powerful yet so beautiful, the way the lightning brightens up the sky."

"Did my mom give you strong drugs again."

Lexa smiled. "She did not." Once again they found themselves staring into the others eyes. All the hurt and pain staring back at each other but it was different, something had changed because more than hurt and pain there was electricity and a small sense of happiness.

"Come on, let’s go inside and dry off." Clarke offered her a small smile before she started walking back to the door.

"You are my weakness. That’s why I came back, that’s why I told them that if they harmed you or anyone you loved that our deal would be broken. I’ll admit I didn’t care if your people lived or died because all I could see, all I could think about was you. You being safe, even if it meant you hated me. I would rather you be alive to hate me than dead. You’re my weakness Clarke and you have been since the day you walked into my tent demanding an alliance."

Clarke stopped walking and turned around at the sound of Lexa’s voice. She barely heard anything after the first sentence. When she finally looked up, she didn’t see the woman that had abandoned on this very mountain and she didn’t see the Commander. All she saw was the most beautiful person in the entire world.

Without thinking she ran towards the woman and wrapped her arms around her neck. She had come back for her. "I guess someday was today." She wasn’t sure why those were the words that chose to come out but it seemed fitting enough.

"Someday what?" Lexa asked as she set the Clarke back down onto the ground after lifting her up and holding tightly for a few moments.

"You said someday I’d know why, why you did what you did. So someday is today." Lexa nodded with a smile. "I’m glad I’m your weakness Lexa, because you’re mine. No matter what happens."

"Have you ever been kissed in the rain Clarke?"

"No I ca…" She was cut off by the feeling of soft lips ghosting over hers as the sky lit up and the rain continued to fall. She couldn’t help but move her hands to cup Lexa’s cheeks as she leaned up and kissed the woman back. This time when Lexa moved to deepen the kiss Clarke happily let her. They pulled back momentarily and looked into each other’s eyes before Clarke leaned back in and connected their lips once more.

**TBC…**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the wonderful feedback, whether that's kudo's or comments or bookmarks. I see it all and it's all amazing :)


	14. Chapter 14

#  ** Chapter 14  **

 

It felt like they had been standing in the rain forever when it had really on been minutes. Both of them were having a hard time pulling away, whether they would admit it or not they had both longed for this exact moment.

 

“You know I think you’ve been watching too many movies Lexa.” Clarke grinned once she finally pulled away from Lexa, leaning their foreheads together.

 

“You finally used my name without being drunk or talking to my grandmother.” She grinned as she gently pushed a wet strand of hair out of Clarke’s face. “And I don’t need movies to show me how to act Clarke. I am more romantic than any movie made centuries ago.”

 

“Is that right?” The blonde questioned as she pulled away ever so slightly so that she could look into Lexa’s eyes. The rain continued to fall and the sky continued to boom but it was perfect. It was reflective of who they were, strong, power and far from perfect.

 

“We should get you inside Clarke. I don’t want you getting sick.”

 

“Says the person that is sick.”

 

Lexa shook her head with a soft smile. “My body is used to the rain.”

 

“I’m sure it is.” The words came out before Clarke could think about them as she unintentionally let her eyes wander over the length of the woman standing in front of her. She bit her lip, if only to hold herself back because if it were up to her the only lip she’d be biting was Lexa’s.

 

“Let’s go get you warm and dried off, you’re soaking wet Clarke.”

 

“You have no idea.” She whispered under her breath.

 

Lexa narrowed her eyes. “What was that?”

 

Clarke stifled a laugh. “Nothing at all Commander.”

 

XOXO

 

“Come in, I’ll get you some clothes to change into.” Lexa nodded as she followed Clarke into her apartment and then her bedroom. Once they were inside Clarke wasted no time at all in taking off her wet shirt, leaving her standing with her back to Lexa in nothing but her bra and jeans. Lexa took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to maintain her cool exterior but she could feel her heart racing in her chest.

 

She had hoped she get the chance to kiss Clarke again but her only true goal when she arrived was getting her grandmother help and maybe, getting Clarke to forgive her. Clarke turned around and handed her a shirt, “this should fit you.” Lexa reached out to take hold of the shirt but instead she grazed Clarke’s hand. The electricity they both felt brought them closer together instead of further apart.

 

They looked between each other’s eyes and lips. Clarke watched as Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. “Thank you, Clarke.”

 

Clarke barely nodded. “I promised to take care of you.” Their voices were low as they both continued to take deep breaths. “Here let me help you get this off.” She dropped the shirt she was holding in her hand onto her bed and reached for the hem of the shirt Lexa was wearing. She slowly pushed it up Lexa’s torso, noticing a few scars on the woman’s stomach that she hadn’t realized were there before. Her fingers were burning a trail up the Commanders ribs but the slightly taller woman never took her eyes off Clarke as she watched the blonde’s eyes follow the trail up her body that her hands were leading. Without being told Lexa raised her arms as Clarke pushed her shirt up the rest of the way.

 

Their faces were inches apart as Clarke dropped the wet shirt onto the floor. Her eyes roaming over Lexa’s exposed skin. She saw a scar that looked newer, fresher than the others. Without thinking she reached over and ran her fingertips over it causing Lexa’s to flinch ever so slightly. Every spot that Clarke had touched felt warm, even though the rest of her was cold from the rain. She watched as Clarke shivered and without a second thought she reached out and pulled her a little closer by her belt loops. “You’re going to get sick if you stay in these wet clothes.”

 

“I could say the same about you and seeing as though I’m one of your doctors I think we need to find a way to warm you up.”

 

“Maybe we can.”

 

Clarke smiled slightly as she remembered Lexa’s words just before the first time they had kissed in the Commanders tent. “Lexa, stop talking.”

 

Another second passed as they stared into each other eyes before Clarke closed the final few inches between them, pulling Lexa into her as she connected their lips once more. Lexa titled her head ever so slightly and kissed her back with just as much force as her fingers began to unbutton and unzip Clarke’s pants before letting them rest on her waist as Clarke pushed down on the waistband of the sweat pants Lexa was wearing.

 

They broke apart long enough for both of them to slide their pants down before Lexa reached out and gently led Clarke back to her with her hand on her base of her neck. Clarke softly bit Lexa’s lip as she pushed her back against her bedroom door, using her body to pin her there as she let her tongue slowly move across the Commander’s bottom lip.

 

Lexa opened her mouth slightly giving Clarke permission to take things a little further than they had before.

 

“I can feel your heart beating out of your chest.” Clarke smiled into the kiss as she took a minute catch her breath.

 

“You talk too much Clarke.”

 

A slight laugh and then Lexa felt Clarke’s lip against her neck and warm hands running up and down her sides.

 

“Clarke, are you in there, is Lexa okay?” The knock at the door startled them both as Clarke pulled away, bringing Lexa with her. “Her heart rate is going through the roof!”

 

A minute passed before they heard another knock. “Clarke?”

 

“Mom what?” Clarke tried to make herself sound as groggy as possible.

 

“Do you know where Lexa is?”

 

“What? Yeah. Why? She’s sleeping.” Clarke pushed the door open a little wider so that her mother could see Lexa lying in Clarke’s bed.

 

“Her heart rate was rapid and I got worried.”

 

“She’s been fine.”

 

Her mother looked suspiciously between them. “When she wakes up, send her down to the clinic please. I need to talk to her.”

 

“Can I go back to bed now?” Her tone was dripping with annoyance, all real.

 

“Sorry to wake you, I was just worried.”

 

Clarke gave her a weak smile. “It’s okay mom, but I’ll let her know when she wakes up.”

Once her mother walked away she closed the door and leaned her back against it as Lexa rolled over to look at her. Her smile grew as she pulled the covers back and got under.

 

“What’s that look for Clarke?”

 

Clarke bit her lip again in an attempt to keep her smile from growing. “Who would have thought, Lexa, love is weakness Commander, has a heart.”

 

“Tell anyone and I’ll have my knife pay you a visit.”

 

“You can’t just kill everyone you don’t trust.” Clarke mimicked herself from months before.

 

This time instead of Lexa getting defensive Clarke saw her shoulders relax against the bed and one of her arms wrapped around Clarke’s waist pulled her closer. “Yes I can, but I trust you so you’re safe.”

 

“Better be careful or my mother may bust the door down to make sure I’m not torturing you.” She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Lexa’s lips as she let her body relax against the woman beneath her. “I can feel your heart speeding up.”

 

Lexa brushed a strand of hair out of Clarke’s face. “You’ve always made it do it that.”

 

“Really?”

 

Lexa’s cheeks tinged red as she nodded. “It’s easy for me to conceal what I’m feeling but it isn’t easy for me to not feel, especially for you Clarke.”

 

“Mmm.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’ve always liked the way you say my name, whether your happy, annoyed, or mad at me when you say it. That’s why I initially thought something was going on with your grandmother. The way she said my name was so familiar but I couldn’t place it, then there you were. Lexa you have no idea what you do to me.”

 

“If it’s anything like what you do to me then I have a good idea.” She leaned up and kissed Clarke on the tip of her nose. “I should get dressed and go see your mother.”

 

Clarke nodded. “I guess you should, come find me when your done? I’ll probably be with everyone in the common room.” Without a warning, Lexa rolled them both over so that Clarke was now on her back and grinning up at her. “You really are starting to feel better.”

 

“I am, thanks to you.” With that she climbed out of bed and grabbed the dry shirt that had gotten tossed on the floor before putting it on.

 

“Pants are in the second drawer.” Lexa nodded in thanks as she pulled a pair of pants out of the drawer. “Lexa.” She called out as the Commander had her hand on the door handle.

 

“Yes Clarke.” In the length of time that it took Lexa to turn around Clarke was right in front of her.

 

Without hesitating the blonde leaned up and kissed her softly with a delightful hum. “I’ll see you later.”

 

“Enjoy your day Clarke.” She smiled as she left the room.

 

XOXO

 

“You guys totally made out!” Octavia laughed as her and Raven sat on the couch with Clarke.

 

“Guys, relax.” They both gave her a pointed look. “Okay, yes we kissed in the rain and then made out before my mom ruined everything.”

 

“Before you mom ruined everything? Were you two, going to…I mean were you going to ‘heal’ the Commander?”

 

Clarke was positive that her eyes couldn’t have rolled any further back into her head at Raven’s comment. “I was damn well going to try but she was still wearing that damn heart monitor.”

 

“You totally got med blocked.”

 

“Why am I friends with either of you?”

 

“We ask ourselves that about you all the time.” Octavia added. “So do all grounders have nice bodies or am I the lucky one?”

 

They watched as Clarke’s cheeks flushed and a smile crept over her features. “She’s toned, really really toned but in the most perfect way. Let’s just say she has all the right curves in all the right places.”

 

They all laughed as Bellamy and Lincoln walked towards them. “What are you three laughing about?”

 

The girls looked around at each other. “Nothing. What’s up Bel?” Octavia asked as they all tried to stop smiling.

 

XOXO

 

“You’re telling me I can go home?”

 

Abby nodded. “You can go home, whenever you feel like you’re ready.”

 

“What about my heart rate this morning?”

 

“It was high but if it was just a nightmare then that explains it and it didn’t have any affects on your healing process.”

 

“Am I completely healed?”

 

“Not quite but I think that will take some time. It may actually do you some good to be resting at home, somewhere you find comfortable.”

 

“I thought that was why you got me the apartment?” Lexa was confused she had gone from being told that she wasn’t ready to being told she was.

 

Abby smiled. “It was, but you’re healing as continued steadily with no set back since we figured out how to make the treatments effective. I’d say another few days and you should be more than fine, but if you feel like you want to leave sooner, I won’t stop you. I’ll only ask that you take Jackson with you.”

 

“Thank you, Abby. Truly. I did not deserve all that you have done.”

 

“Stop thanking me Lexa.” The Commander nodded.

 

“Is it okay, if I take a short trip to camp today? Test the waters so to speak?”

 

“I think that would be just fine.”

 

XOXO

 

Lexa had spent a couple of hours at the grounder camp. Talking to her people, all of which were happy to report that her grandmother had gone back to Polis and was doing quite well. There were no immediate threats, no wars about to start, which meant that Lexa could go back to Polis herself.

 

It weighed on her mind as she walked back to the mountain. She missed being home, being in her own space but she couldn’t help but think about what leaving meant. Memories of this morning replayed in her mind as she made her way towards Clarke’s apartment. She was sure the woman was going to kill her since she had forgotten to tell her about her short trip but when she arrived at the door no one answered. Instead she decided to go back to her own place and change back into the clothes she had taken from Clarke’s that morning.

 

Even though it was evening by the time Lexa got back she decided to try her luck at the common room. Sure enough as she approached the room she saw Clarke and Octavia standing in front of the screen. Both holding some sort of device in their hands as they moved around.

 

“Clarke totally kicked your ass O. I thought we were trying not to let the princess win?”

 

“I grew up under the floor, she grew up dancing around in the halls.” They all laughed as Octavia sat down on Lincoln’s lap.

 

“Okay fine, how about we try our hand at rock band again? It’s the only instrument Jasper is ever going to be able to use to pick up girls.”

 

They all continued to laugh and it was clear to Lexa that despite everything Clarke was happy. She had always seen her as a leader but maybe Abby had been right, maybe she was just a young woman who had to grow up too fast by no choice of her own. Lexa hadn’t chosen her life but she had been conditioned for it from a young age, Clarke on the other hand had been conditioned for this. For peace, and laughter.

 

XOXO

 

“Why am I always finding you up here?”

 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile as Clarke sat down next to her on the roof. The storm from the morning had long since passed leaving the night air cool but just the right temperature. “I came up here to think.”

 

“You didn’t come find me? Everything okay? My mom told me about you being cleared and your little trip to camp.”

 

It was the first time Clarke had seen Lexa look somewhat sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize, you’ve done enough of that. What’s wrong?” It was clear to Clarke that something heavy was weighing on Lexa’s mind. The woman had barely taken her eyes off the tree line.

 

Lexa shook her head, unsure of what to say. “I have to go back to Polis Clarke.”

 

It was then that Clarke realized, just exactly what that meant. “You’re leaving.” Were the only words that she could form. She had been so excited to hear that Lexa was finally well again that it had stopped her from thinking about just exactly what that meant for them. She leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder and held the Commanders hand as they sat in silence. A very different silence then the one they had shared earlier that day.

 

 

XOXO

 

 

A month had passed since Lexa had left Mount Weather. A month of Clarke replaying their final conversation over and over again in her head. Lexa’s words hadn’t been to hurt her but they did nonetheless, even though Clarke understood how much it had hurt Lexa to speak them.

_“I was chosen to be the Commander you were chosen to be the leader of your people. The difference is that it is my duty to remain in command, it’s not yours. It’s true, I have seen your strength and intelligence on the battlefield but it’s not where you are happiest. The lives you have had to take weigh heavily on you. I do not wish to add more to your pain.”_

_“You aren’t, not anymore.”_

_“What about the other day? On the roof, in my room?” Clarke’s voice was shaking and she could see the tears forming in Lexa’s eyes._

_Lexa closed her eyes before she looked up at the sky. “It was amazing, you are amazing Clarke. I won’t decide your course in life but I want you to know that you brought me back to life. You fixed me and my heart and I cannot thank you enough for that.”_

_“I wasn’t going to let you die Lexa.”_

_A soft giggle escaped the Commander. “Not the kind of saving I was talking about.”_

_“Oh, I totally just ruined that moment didn’t I?”_

_Lexa nodded and she gently held Clarke’s cheek in her hand. “May we meet again Clarke of the sky people.”_

_“May we meet again Lexa.”_

XOXO

 

“This is Polis?” Clarke asked as she and the grounder that was leading her got off their houses.

 

He nodded as he handed the reigns over to the grounder at the front gate. Once the doors open Clarke’s eyes opened in shock. Lexa had been right, Polis was different. There were actual homes, the kind she had only ever read about in books. Some of them were badly decaying but others sat perfectly upright.

 

After a twenty-minute walk through the city the grounder finally stopped outside of a large house, larger than Clarke ever could have imagined. “This is the Commanders house?”

 

Again the grounder nodded. “Yes. If you need anything else, I’ll be near the town square.”

 

It took a few minutes before Clarke could muster up the courage to knock on the big double doors. Taking a much needed breath she curled her fingers into a fist, reached up and knocked lightly on the door.

“Clarke!” She looked up and saw Alexandria, smile bright as ever and before she could say anything in response she was wrapped up into a tight hug. “Please come in.”

 

“How are you Alexandria?” She couldn’t help the grin that took over her own face as she took in the house she had just walked in to. It was clear why Lexa felt so at home here, it was beautiful, like there had never been a nuclear war.

 

“I am very well Clarke, how are you?”

 

“I’m okay, a little tired.”

 

Alexandria continued to smile as she led Clarke into another room. “I’m afraid Lexa isn’t here at the moment but would you mind if I kept you company until she returned?”

 

“Actually, I’m here to see the both of you so I would love some company? How about a game of chess?”

 

“That was a very gracious gift Clarke, thank you for that.” The older woman said in reference to the chessboard that Clarke had given her.

 

“It was my pleasure.”

 

“Thank you for looking after her.”

 

Clarke nodded. “I keep my promises and I promised you I would do my very best to keep her safe.”

 

“She aches for you, I hope you know that.” Clarke said nothing. “I can see the internal struggle she faces everyday over having to leave you.”

 

XOXO

 

Hours later Alexandria showed Clarke to Lexa’s room after they got word that the Commander was home. “I’ll leave you two be and I shall see you in the morning.”

 

“Have a good night.” Clarke said as she watched Alexandria walk down the long hallway before she turned the corner. Turning her attention back to the door in front of her she could swear she heard the soft sound of music. She knocked softly but got no response. Trying again, she got the same result so she slowly pushed the door open.

 

Sure enough there was music playing and after a minute she recognized the song to be the one that Lexa had sung to her. Moving into the room and closing the door she looked around only to find curtains blowing in the light breeze, another set of doors were open and there she was. Standing on the balcony over looking the city, her posture as straight as ever, long hair flowing down her back, and best of all she was wearing Clarke’s sweatpants.

“Commander?” Clarke squeaked out as she moved a little closer to the woman.

 

Turning around she saw the shock wash over Lexa’s face. “Clarke.” A pause. “What are you doing here? I heard there was a sky person in Polis today but I never thought it was you.”

 

“I came to check on my patients plus I promised Alexandria I would play more chess with her. You look different here.” She noted as finally took in Lexa’s over all appearance. “More at ease.”

 

“Polis is home and home is where you go to relax.”

 

“You could have told me you lived in a huge house.”

 

Lexa shrugged. “I never thought of it.” She moved closer to the blonde, their eyes staying locked on each other.

 

“That’s how you know this song?” Clarke asked as she gestured to the old record player in the corner of the room.

 

“It was found in an abandoned bunker decades ago by one of the former Commanders. I don’t think anyone outside of me has ever really used it though.”

 

“How have you been feeling?”

 

“Well enough that I think you should dance with me.”

 

Clarke was taken back by the comment. “What?”

 

“I promised myself that if I ever had the chance I would dance with you again and since I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming, I’m going to fulfill my promise.”

 

Without another word Lexa put her hand out for Clarke to take. Pulling her in closer, Lexa placed her other hand on Clarke’s hip and started to move them from side to side. “You’re good at this.”

 

“Must have been all the movies.” Lexa joked as she looked into Clarke’s eyes.

 

For her part the blonde shook her head. “I don’t think the movies had anything to do with it.”

 

“You are very wise Clarke of the sky people.”

 

“Lexa, it’s time for you to stop talking.” A slight nod and then their lips were connected once more.

 

This time there was no knock on the door as they helped the other undress. “Have I ever told you how sexy it is when you wear my sweatpants? The first time I ever saw you wear them all I could think about was ripping them off of you so I could have my way with you.”

 

Lexa smiled as she kissed across Clarke’s collarbone, her hand trailing down Clarke’s bare thigh. “Now who needs to stop talking?”

 

“Me, definitely me.” She answered with a shiver from the feeling of Lexa’s hand running up and down her leg.

 

“And now I have an idea how just how soaked you were that morning Clarke.” Lexa husked into her ear as her hand gently rubbed Clarke where she needed her most.

 

“You said you didn’t hear me that morning.” Clarke grinned she ran her nails down Lexa’s back. “I thought you were going to get me warm Lexa.”

 

There shared one more look before Clarke leaned up and captured Lexa’s lips between her own. It was much more fierce than their previous kisses and it was making Clarke’s head spin. She was sure it couldn’t get any better as she felt Lexa smile into their kiss. That is until she felt warm, gentle fingers run push aside her underwear and slide up and down her length. Clarke titled her head back in pleasure as Lexa went back to kissing her neck.

 

“Please.” It came out as a whisper but Lexa had heard it loud and clear. Listening to Clarke’s wants she slowly pushed a finger inside the blonde.

 

It didn’t take long before Clarke was coming undone beneath the Commander who slowly worked her down from her orgasm. They laid there for a moment, neither saying a word before Clarke rolled them over and straddled Lexa’s hips. “I think I need to do a thorough examination to make sure that you’re okay even though I’m still mad at you.”

 

Lexa nodded as she tangled her fingers in Clarke’s hair as the woman began to kiss down her body. “Clarke.” She whined as the blonde dragged her tongue Lexa’s thigh, reminiscent of the path that Lexa’s fingers had taken on own leg, minutes before.

 

The next time Lexa said Clarke’s name she was throwing her head back onto her pillow, her eyes closing as the blonde brought her over the edge.

 

XOXO

 

The next morning Clarke found herself in a very similar setting. Lexa’s head resting on her chest, arm around her waist. Except this time she had no thoughts of trying to get out of bed. Instead she ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair, the sun shining into the room.

 

“So this is what it’s like to finally wake up with you still in bed.”

“It’s happened before.”

 

Lexa leaned up and kissed Clarke. “You’re beautiful.”

 

“You’re right Polis has changed the way I look at you.”

 

“If this was a movie Clarke, you would be ruining it.” Lexa groaned as she ran her fingers over Clarke’s still bare stomach under the blanket.

 

Clarke couldn’t control the smile that was taking over her face. “Oh yeah? Well if this was a movie, how would you end it then.”

 

Lexa leaned up on her forearm with a mischievous grin on her face. “Someday you’ll know Clarke.”

 

## The End…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the support and coming along on this ride with me. You're all awesome and I truly can't say thank you enough.


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